Ive been posting a lot the past few days...read em because they were born out of some excitement which made me post them in such a blob.
I wrote this last night, christmas...well it was the 26th but late last night...
I’m beginning to remember what life was like before the fall,
the tumble crumble of that hideous wall.
Built around us as false protection,
built as safety from seeing eyes and from my affection.
Tip toeing through vineyards vine,
the wall is gone but you hide yourself.
You hide yourself so well.
Thinking I’ve seen your dress,
I call your name into the wood,
returning void my hearts digress,
never forgetting but losing things I should.
You seem to be gone but a shadow remains here among the warm,
an imprint on a changing world.
Your shade is thinning slowly because I still hope,
maybe we will wake from this dream where in a ball my mind has curled.
tartar, im goin to BESTBUY to cash in.
adam
26.12.04
WORLD PEACEKEEPER: Navy Seal
eyes: blue
hair: blonde
heigth: 13inches
weight: unknown
DOB: unknown
name: Douglas E. Donaldson
Donaldson was assigned to me thursday, decenber 23rd. He has no past to tell of, his existence is disputed. My protection and my friend, Douglas would sacrifice his life for any one of my friends and of course for me. This is a picture taken while standing guard over the kitchen.
here is another, closer shot of my friend.
goodnight,
adam
hair: blonde
heigth: 13inches
weight: unknown
DOB: unknown
name: Douglas E. Donaldson
Donaldson was assigned to me thursday, decenber 23rd. He has no past to tell of, his existence is disputed. My protection and my friend, Douglas would sacrifice his life for any one of my friends and of course for me. This is a picture taken while standing guard over the kitchen.
here is another, closer shot of my friend.
goodnight,
adam
25.12.04
now witness this, an unfolding.
an epitaph reading "Hither lies the old man, having given birth to hate, greed and elusive behavior." Never did he waver, until his host declared him a toast. "Goodbye and Goodnight."
Sprouting from cold stone is new meaning, resurrected from a new borns smile. Things can change, "they must" says this child with a rattle of the jaw.
SORRY- a pointless reply to ones actions. it is never enough to JUST say that childish word that serves only to make one feel less guilt about committing a misdeed. "Please Forgive ME." sorry reads as a childish plea for lesser consequence. Asking to be FORGIVEN is an acknowledgement of sin, accepting wrongs and is the unsaid agreement of repentence before out father.
we are so uptight these days. i am apologized to because someone coughs a little too loud or brushes my precious arm with their green jacket. I apologize for knocking you down or spitting on your shoe because my lips calibration is a bit off today. We need more understanding, less apologies for things that cause no harm. i understand that you didnt mean to step on my heel, i dont forgive you because it doesnt hurt me. lets keep on walking and talkin, not about accidents but about how your day was or what you will be doing on your day off of work. understanding of one another is what we need.
im reading this awesome new book SEEING AND SAVORING jesus christ by John Piper.
it gives me the same feeling i get when reading a work of CS LEWIS. amazing authors.
Ch.1.P.10.
Everyone can read the stories of Jesus and "see" the portraits painted by the words of those who knew him. But not everyone sees truth and beauty and infinit value. Some see only myth. Some see foolishness. Some see offense. "Seeing they do not see." It is as though a child should look at a Michelangelo and prefer a comic strip.
this illustration is so rad. There is no doubting the beauty of his masterpieces all around us when we are educated in the history of how it came to be. closely inspecting a Seurat does no good, one must stand back and view the pointillists creation as it was meant to be viewed, from afar. taking in every piece that forms a greater whole.
i wrote this in my car. i had to pull over. after the first line.
i want a lyrical stagger or swagger.
when walking through the dark my readers see a familiar figure,
capturing all the right bits of light. then calling out to me knowing my broad shouldered walk and my way with words.
slowly but i get there, leading you close to me.
GOODNIGHT AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS. IM READY FOR MY MEATLESS HOLLIDAY!
farewell,
adam
an epitaph reading "Hither lies the old man, having given birth to hate, greed and elusive behavior." Never did he waver, until his host declared him a toast. "Goodbye and Goodnight."
Sprouting from cold stone is new meaning, resurrected from a new borns smile. Things can change, "they must" says this child with a rattle of the jaw.
SORRY- a pointless reply to ones actions. it is never enough to JUST say that childish word that serves only to make one feel less guilt about committing a misdeed. "Please Forgive ME." sorry reads as a childish plea for lesser consequence. Asking to be FORGIVEN is an acknowledgement of sin, accepting wrongs and is the unsaid agreement of repentence before out father.
we are so uptight these days. i am apologized to because someone coughs a little too loud or brushes my precious arm with their green jacket. I apologize for knocking you down or spitting on your shoe because my lips calibration is a bit off today. We need more understanding, less apologies for things that cause no harm. i understand that you didnt mean to step on my heel, i dont forgive you because it doesnt hurt me. lets keep on walking and talkin, not about accidents but about how your day was or what you will be doing on your day off of work. understanding of one another is what we need.
im reading this awesome new book SEEING AND SAVORING jesus christ by John Piper.
it gives me the same feeling i get when reading a work of CS LEWIS. amazing authors.
Ch.1.P.10.
Everyone can read the stories of Jesus and "see" the portraits painted by the words of those who knew him. But not everyone sees truth and beauty and infinit value. Some see only myth. Some see foolishness. Some see offense. "Seeing they do not see." It is as though a child should look at a Michelangelo and prefer a comic strip.
this illustration is so rad. There is no doubting the beauty of his masterpieces all around us when we are educated in the history of how it came to be. closely inspecting a Seurat does no good, one must stand back and view the pointillists creation as it was meant to be viewed, from afar. taking in every piece that forms a greater whole.
i wrote this in my car. i had to pull over. after the first line.
i want a lyrical stagger or swagger.
when walking through the dark my readers see a familiar figure,
capturing all the right bits of light. then calling out to me knowing my broad shouldered walk and my way with words.
slowly but i get there, leading you close to me.
GOODNIGHT AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS. IM READY FOR MY MEATLESS HOLLIDAY!
farewell,
adam
23.12.04
deviation from the plan
i feel as though i havent posted in weeks. i havent written for a while. until just recently, i wrote a letter to someone, it fulfilled that hour oath i have not kept lately. Now i wait and hope for the best, well anything but silence is the best in this case. it was a freeing hour, expulsion of thoughts that had been caged for weeks now. maybe it seemed as though i hadnt written for weeks because those ravenous words needed out. their desire to be heard was so strong that it made all other writing feel meaningless and far from acceptable.
i gave donovan his christmas present early, i wont see him on christmas so i figured another day early wont matter. in a justifying attempt i also add that it was the Dave Matthews Live @ the Gorge CD/DVD...im listenin to the latter half of the tracks right now. we watched the dvd earlier, they are such an amazing band. aaaaah thats what i wanted to do aside from sleep and read pointless news articles about things the world thought i may care about. Read some dmatt. lyrics...i wrote dmatt. because i thought dm may be too vague for all you readers...i also thought i should tell you that just incase you were wondering why i made the abbreviation for dave matthews too lone (dmatt.) i dont think you are dumb, i promise. the dvd is rad, i love his voice and their music as a whole is magical. i think that is the only way to describe it, pure magic. WOW that was close, i clicked on a link from a different page which nearly took this page to my desired destination...not good when you have written a fair ammount and you dont feel like bs-ing your way back to this point riiiiiiight
i put a link up there to my deviant art page...nothing too rad but it is, and will be forever more mine.
i went out to dinner with joey and tawnee tonight. im still on this whole vegetarian deal so no meat for adam. this was not so great cos we went to Claim Jumper and all 3 of my friends, joey, tawnee, donovan got steak. i was surrounded and tempted beyond all forsight i may have had to give up! tawnee ate only half of her $20 juicy, medium rare slab of cow rear! i almost grabbed it off her plate and savored its goodness. 14days remain. JAN 6th will be my feast.
there is good that is coming out of this. Those with an affinity for meat, steak in particular have
a steakometer. it runs from 1-10 judging their affection for the red joy, most are at a 6-7. there are a few, as i was who are at a 9-10 level. joey is also at that level. mine is growing, i am forever expanding my steakometer. by the final day of this torture mine will be on a 1-17 scale, the joy i have in eating steak will far ourweigh any others. the juicyness and flavor of that dead animal will fill my life with satisfaction as no steak has before. crap ive gotta talk about something more, im jonesing for it!
Our hands are hardly touching,
im sorry thats my fault.
i went for a walk with another today,
i hated it so much,
my sorrowfull words will not express my fault.
if only one thing was accomplised it was the rope that was tied.
only to scare me of course,
a well achieved goal to parylize me with fear and regret.
tie that noose around my kneck,
bound my wrists with rope that cuts.
Your rebuttel is of higher weight.
with righteouss light you cut my bonds.
i have sin, truth has found me
you have my sin, truth is in me.
take from me my life.
(i ended that quickly, the heart is there but the words dont express it well enough. i will never be pleased.)
farewell andmyfeetarecold,
adam
i gave donovan his christmas present early, i wont see him on christmas so i figured another day early wont matter. in a justifying attempt i also add that it was the Dave Matthews Live @ the Gorge CD/DVD...im listenin to the latter half of the tracks right now. we watched the dvd earlier, they are such an amazing band. aaaaah thats what i wanted to do aside from sleep and read pointless news articles about things the world thought i may care about. Read some dmatt. lyrics...i wrote dmatt. because i thought dm may be too vague for all you readers...i also thought i should tell you that just incase you were wondering why i made the abbreviation for dave matthews too lone (dmatt.) i dont think you are dumb, i promise. the dvd is rad, i love his voice and their music as a whole is magical. i think that is the only way to describe it, pure magic. WOW that was close, i clicked on a link from a different page which nearly took this page to my desired destination...not good when you have written a fair ammount and you dont feel like bs-ing your way back to this point riiiiiiight
i put a link up there to my deviant art page...nothing too rad but it is, and will be forever more mine.
i went out to dinner with joey and tawnee tonight. im still on this whole vegetarian deal so no meat for adam. this was not so great cos we went to Claim Jumper and all 3 of my friends, joey, tawnee, donovan got steak. i was surrounded and tempted beyond all forsight i may have had to give up! tawnee ate only half of her $20 juicy, medium rare slab of cow rear! i almost grabbed it off her plate and savored its goodness. 14days remain. JAN 6th will be my feast.
there is good that is coming out of this. Those with an affinity for meat, steak in particular have
a steakometer. it runs from 1-10 judging their affection for the red joy, most are at a 6-7. there are a few, as i was who are at a 9-10 level. joey is also at that level. mine is growing, i am forever expanding my steakometer. by the final day of this torture mine will be on a 1-17 scale, the joy i have in eating steak will far ourweigh any others. the juicyness and flavor of that dead animal will fill my life with satisfaction as no steak has before. crap ive gotta talk about something more, im jonesing for it!
Our hands are hardly touching,
im sorry thats my fault.
i went for a walk with another today,
i hated it so much,
my sorrowfull words will not express my fault.
if only one thing was accomplised it was the rope that was tied.
only to scare me of course,
a well achieved goal to parylize me with fear and regret.
tie that noose around my kneck,
bound my wrists with rope that cuts.
Your rebuttel is of higher weight.
with righteouss light you cut my bonds.
i have sin, truth has found me
you have my sin, truth is in me.
take from me my life.
(i ended that quickly, the heart is there but the words dont express it well enough. i will never be pleased.)
farewell andmyfeetarecold,
adam
18.12.04
The space between
At work, yes again I came up with an idea at work. I have an extended amount of time to think, while doing dishes, making mochas or sweeping the café I open my mind to the awkward flow that is Adam.
I decided that I will be writing an hour a day. Give or take a bit of time but I am committing to writing for close to if not more than 60 minutes a day. If this is something I desire to take a larger shape in my life, I figure that time spent jotting my thoughts will do well. I write a lot as it is, but it is mostly garbage, full of voids that gape the symmetric verses. If only all my lines were as flawless as I perceive the latter portion of that last sentence to be. I run on a lot and I don’t know when to use a ; or a :…I have some idea, a vague guess that may be correct but I want to know the rules, laws so I can master them and later decide whether I should break them. If I don’t know the reason for a rules existence how can I discount its importance? It may hold some unrevealed context and perfect use; I’d like to know. (Mic. Word prescribed the use of the semi-colon).
If I am writing just to write as a swimmer swims to swim I do so with such fervor and desire as an Olympian. I don’t want this to become a daily task which serves as a punch card, another file I will inevitably delete. Lengthy is not so much the issue as content. Walking through a great desert I stumble upon a table holding two cups. I must choose only one of these cups. The first is filled to the brim and the second is filled a little less than halfway with what I know to be water. Which do I take? Although the first seems to be the logical choice, I find that a fairly small percentage of it is urine. The content of the cup is defiled and worth less then the meager portion held by the seemingly lesser vessel.
Tomorrow I am going shopping with Laura, a grand ol time it shall be. GOODNIGHT.
Farewell,
adam
16.12.04
the holes in my ears have their porpoise.
its funny the way we train ourselves to do things a certain way. for instance i am sitting in my bedroom with the lights off on my bed/couch. i do this every night because donovan, my best friend also sleeps in this room, he goes to school early and so desires a good and early nights sleep. i bring this up because he is not here but i still feel that i cant write like i would usually if the lights are and i am not in my room on my bed in silence.
as i was sweeping the doorway at work today i had a bit of an epiphany as to what i may reply next time someone rants about the holes in my ears. i thought of my grandfather who hasnt said anything about them but is bound to eventually. he has had the same haircut for 50ish years, that requires a bit of commitment, to sport a short conservative dew for that long you must have at one point or another decided "hey i like this and its gonne be here for a while!" i decided to make the small holes in my ears big, i am willing and happy to deal with whatever consequences they bring. "Do you know what those are gonna look like in 30yrs?" yes i do "do you know what your beautiful cadillac is going to look like in 30 yrs, i didnt spend $25k on my ears thanks." i also thought about how cool its going to be to be an old dad with plugs, a grandpa even. i wasnt so sure about the whole piercing thing at first but i really really like them now. i also think that Zero is a good size. i may go to DblZero but i doubt any farther.
haha as i was driving home from work i was thinking how funny emo songs are so i started singing, and this came out. the first 2 lines anyway.
you threw my words that did not matter,
like the blood that has just splattered,
from my heart thats beating slow
like a child with stunted growth
chorus
i hear the sounds of what you said,
it echoed through my acheing head
on and on you go, hiding all you broke.
...i cant think of any more...haha this was inspired by ian burke and his gracious triumphs at EMOtional literature.
tomorrow megan krantz will be playing at the Den as us employees fondly refer to it as...i feel a bit odd doing that but i suppose i should start. the closes are getting a bit boring, i should really start trying to connect with those old gals, mary and becky. the latter of the 2 is easier to get along with. mary is set in her ways and is right, always. she also knows how to do everything the right way which is often the annoying way.
11days strong, the battle is nearly half done and the animals are left uneaten. its sad that they have to die and not be eaten. one less person eating meat means one more piece of steak that will be thrown into the trash. im sorry dead cows and chickens, i will consume you soon.
i got a highly unexpected call today. hesistant i returned it, i dont know what to think or feel, i am consumed with doubt, wavering emotions and questions that will find no answers. God it is far too easy to say it is in your hands because your hands are the application of your will. i almost find it absurd to say that "if its gods wil..." however you finish that...i think that God has intrusted us with great responsibility by allowing us to make decisions that will better or make worse the lives we live and the world we live them in. is there someone out there that God has chosen for me? i dont think there is, i think that he gave me the capacity for wisdom and discernment which if harnessed and applied will yield me someone who meets Gods will for my life...at the same time i believe that he is the beginning and end, all knowing and omnipotent.
i will write more tomorrow, before the late hrs of the wee night. wow its almost 1, it seems so early
i drew this picture probably about a year ago. its one of my favorites. when drawing i never start out with the notion hey im gonna draw a choo chooo train or hmmm im gonna draw a goofy clown man...no. i start drawing and it takes shape magically. its freeing i suppose, from what i dont know. this particular one took the shape of a vietnam veteran. hes in his late 40's and has very little to his name, the street is his home and the coin just became his. His tattoo, the one on his left arm is the xi-rho (greek letters overlayed) they were used by Constantine in rome as a symbol for Jesus Christ...
yours truly,
ademos
as i was sweeping the doorway at work today i had a bit of an epiphany as to what i may reply next time someone rants about the holes in my ears. i thought of my grandfather who hasnt said anything about them but is bound to eventually. he has had the same haircut for 50ish years, that requires a bit of commitment, to sport a short conservative dew for that long you must have at one point or another decided "hey i like this and its gonne be here for a while!" i decided to make the small holes in my ears big, i am willing and happy to deal with whatever consequences they bring. "Do you know what those are gonna look like in 30yrs?" yes i do "do you know what your beautiful cadillac is going to look like in 30 yrs, i didnt spend $25k on my ears thanks." i also thought about how cool its going to be to be an old dad with plugs, a grandpa even. i wasnt so sure about the whole piercing thing at first but i really really like them now. i also think that Zero is a good size. i may go to DblZero but i doubt any farther.
haha as i was driving home from work i was thinking how funny emo songs are so i started singing, and this came out. the first 2 lines anyway.
you threw my words that did not matter,
like the blood that has just splattered,
from my heart thats beating slow
like a child with stunted growth
chorus
i hear the sounds of what you said,
it echoed through my acheing head
on and on you go, hiding all you broke.
...i cant think of any more...haha this was inspired by ian burke and his gracious triumphs at EMOtional literature.
tomorrow megan krantz will be playing at the Den as us employees fondly refer to it as...i feel a bit odd doing that but i suppose i should start. the closes are getting a bit boring, i should really start trying to connect with those old gals, mary and becky. the latter of the 2 is easier to get along with. mary is set in her ways and is right, always. she also knows how to do everything the right way which is often the annoying way.
11days strong, the battle is nearly half done and the animals are left uneaten. its sad that they have to die and not be eaten. one less person eating meat means one more piece of steak that will be thrown into the trash. im sorry dead cows and chickens, i will consume you soon.
i got a highly unexpected call today. hesistant i returned it, i dont know what to think or feel, i am consumed with doubt, wavering emotions and questions that will find no answers. God it is far too easy to say it is in your hands because your hands are the application of your will. i almost find it absurd to say that "if its gods wil..." however you finish that...i think that God has intrusted us with great responsibility by allowing us to make decisions that will better or make worse the lives we live and the world we live them in. is there someone out there that God has chosen for me? i dont think there is, i think that he gave me the capacity for wisdom and discernment which if harnessed and applied will yield me someone who meets Gods will for my life...at the same time i believe that he is the beginning and end, all knowing and omnipotent.
i will write more tomorrow, before the late hrs of the wee night. wow its almost 1, it seems so early
i drew this picture probably about a year ago. its one of my favorites. when drawing i never start out with the notion hey im gonna draw a choo chooo train or hmmm im gonna draw a goofy clown man...no. i start drawing and it takes shape magically. its freeing i suppose, from what i dont know. this particular one took the shape of a vietnam veteran. hes in his late 40's and has very little to his name, the street is his home and the coin just became his. His tattoo, the one on his left arm is the xi-rho (greek letters overlayed) they were used by Constantine in rome as a symbol for Jesus Christ...
yours truly,
ademos
less than emo. I dont like cliche's. call it what you will.
i dont want to give up,
i dont wanna lose.
if driving those tired hours one more time would change something, i would do it in a heart beat.
i dont want to give you up,
i dont want to lose you.
if driving those anxious hours one more time would make a difference, i would drive them now.
i dont mind being hopefull,
even if i've lost you.
so unimaginably frustrated am i. alienation of your dearest, nearest family. have we become a memory. are we roads you've grown too tired to walk near, on. granted many love, but we have loved more true and desire to never abandon you. something you cant say for the 7-8-25...100 others that knock on your door each night and leave you colder than before. i almost feel i cant be bitter, that requires a formal taste. something you pretend you never gave.
--------do not show distaste on my account. please.
the seclusion of narrow thoughts is something that i dont fear. if someone sees my words and calls them angry i cant disagree. one must realize however that it is a flash in a pan, i refuse to lead my life with emotions that (if nurtured) turn my eyes from Christ. anger is not wrong, frustration is not wrong. the time spent brewing those emotional releases is wrong if it excedes love.
farewell,
adam
i dont wanna lose.
if driving those tired hours one more time would change something, i would do it in a heart beat.
i dont want to give you up,
i dont want to lose you.
if driving those anxious hours one more time would make a difference, i would drive them now.
i dont mind being hopefull,
even if i've lost you.
so unimaginably frustrated am i. alienation of your dearest, nearest family. have we become a memory. are we roads you've grown too tired to walk near, on. granted many love, but we have loved more true and desire to never abandon you. something you cant say for the 7-8-25...100 others that knock on your door each night and leave you colder than before. i almost feel i cant be bitter, that requires a formal taste. something you pretend you never gave.
--------do not show distaste on my account. please.
the seclusion of narrow thoughts is something that i dont fear. if someone sees my words and calls them angry i cant disagree. one must realize however that it is a flash in a pan, i refuse to lead my life with emotions that (if nurtured) turn my eyes from Christ. anger is not wrong, frustration is not wrong. the time spent brewing those emotional releases is wrong if it excedes love.
farewell,
adam
13.12.04
Did you think that it would cradle you until you were asleep forever...did you, did you, did you?
i dunno how to start this.
i worked a lot today and during that 8hr span i thought and wrote a lot. every time i had an cool thought or grand ol idea(r) id throw some ink on a scratch piece o paper which was wadded and rewadded over and over and over again into my back pocket.
POEM-i'm no simpleton although im rather plain
and if a horn would blow id leave this simple place
when that sharpness finds my ear by wind, by voice or wire
a disconnect of life i had will plainly light new fire.
PROSE-im no simpleton, despite my plain appearance. i listen and i wait. ive been a impatient, irresponsible tool. if a horn would blow i would leave this place but until then i will not sleep. yes, the past weeks i have been deep in rest but i say again now, i will not sleep. if the guards of a kingdoms coastline were to leave their vital post would the tower holding their king remain a royal place? no so i must sleep no more. defending, armed and alert. holding fast to my mission which is my only means.
why does anger and frustration mount so quickly?
in a fit of emotional rage, discontent i suddenly want to punch the wall. is this anger justified, is it right?
my hand isnt broken and no walls have been harmed so i think we're good.
i say im sorry when its not my fault: aquiesce
i halt my thoughts when i should impress: digress
close my eyes when i should stare: ignorance
zip my lips when i should squeel: unsure
it just dawned on me how .cool.special.amazing.encouraging. the night i saw mewithoutYou was. not only did i get to drive the lead singer of my favorite band around seattle but i got to drive my human encouragement to write words around in my van. thank you lord for that small gift that is so huge to me. i allowed lesser circumstances prevent me from realizing the encouragement that was to be had. thank you lord that now, 3 weeks after the event i am as encouraged as i could have been at that moment. forgive me father for not seeing it then, allowing the imperfect (just as i) to ruin the perfect situation you provided. only for a while that is.
we are all a lot like bedrooms...if your bedroom is anything like mine.
when it is clean, it seems it is soooo easy to make it a mess. if you forget to keep it in order, forget to do certain things like laundry, it quicly becomes a disaster. if i forget to maintain my relationship with my God my life quicly loses its meaning and i become a disaster.
Your mercies oh lord are sufficient and my praise is less than enough. im glad you see it with different eyes because in me you see attempts and that is enough. if i try and fail you allow a second a third. you are God and you are constant.
amen
peace and hairgrease,
adam
(i took the picture at 5 in the morning while at a jrhigh retreat in canada this summer)
i worked a lot today and during that 8hr span i thought and wrote a lot. every time i had an cool thought or grand ol idea(r) id throw some ink on a scratch piece o paper which was wadded and rewadded over and over and over again into my back pocket.
POEM-i'm no simpleton although im rather plain
and if a horn would blow id leave this simple place
when that sharpness finds my ear by wind, by voice or wire
a disconnect of life i had will plainly light new fire.
PROSE-im no simpleton, despite my plain appearance. i listen and i wait. ive been a impatient, irresponsible tool. if a horn would blow i would leave this place but until then i will not sleep. yes, the past weeks i have been deep in rest but i say again now, i will not sleep. if the guards of a kingdoms coastline were to leave their vital post would the tower holding their king remain a royal place? no so i must sleep no more. defending, armed and alert. holding fast to my mission which is my only means.
why does anger and frustration mount so quickly?
in a fit of emotional rage, discontent i suddenly want to punch the wall. is this anger justified, is it right?
my hand isnt broken and no walls have been harmed so i think we're good.
i say im sorry when its not my fault: aquiesce
i halt my thoughts when i should impress: digress
close my eyes when i should stare: ignorance
zip my lips when i should squeel: unsure
it just dawned on me how .cool.special.amazing.encouraging. the night i saw mewithoutYou was. not only did i get to drive the lead singer of my favorite band around seattle but i got to drive my human encouragement to write words around in my van. thank you lord for that small gift that is so huge to me. i allowed lesser circumstances prevent me from realizing the encouragement that was to be had. thank you lord that now, 3 weeks after the event i am as encouraged as i could have been at that moment. forgive me father for not seeing it then, allowing the imperfect (just as i) to ruin the perfect situation you provided. only for a while that is.
we are all a lot like bedrooms...if your bedroom is anything like mine.
when it is clean, it seems it is soooo easy to make it a mess. if you forget to keep it in order, forget to do certain things like laundry, it quicly becomes a disaster. if i forget to maintain my relationship with my God my life quicly loses its meaning and i become a disaster.
Your mercies oh lord are sufficient and my praise is less than enough. im glad you see it with different eyes because in me you see attempts and that is enough. if i try and fail you allow a second a third. you are God and you are constant.
amen
peace and hairgrease,
adam
(i took the picture at 5 in the morning while at a jrhigh retreat in canada this summer)
12.12.04
stagnant hearts
its hard to focus when there is such commotion, the c0nsistent bother proves to slow my mind. im here watching harry potter 3. good movie but its hard to convey my thoughts correctly with discussion of broom and witch in the air.
friday i drove up to Mtn Springs Lodge where the RIM (fmr hs group) goes every year for a retreat. i dont know why i went aside from small amounts of pressure from joey and dono. to say very little, my experience there was less than comfortable. i felt sooooo out of place, wishing i had stayed home. donovan and i had fun together but the times i found myself alone in the crowd of high schoolers was....
i have to wake up in 6hrs
i went to wenatchee today. i feel so at home there its odd, more so than i do anywhere. (thank you)
short read
she reads a few pages here and there, a few. just enough to get a feel for the main character and to witness mild situations that call for a trace of emotional response. at first enthralled, captivated even by the personality of this central figure she soon loses taste and all connective thought. so many pages not quite enough time, into the wind with further reading. im a book well-written but left unfinished. maybe one day this fair-excuse will find time to pick up where she left off. i'll be here while you're at the library looking for your next "read."
i like the idea but i dont like the way it came out. no excuses just frustration with my writing.
farewell,
adam
friday i drove up to Mtn Springs Lodge where the RIM (fmr hs group) goes every year for a retreat. i dont know why i went aside from small amounts of pressure from joey and dono. to say very little, my experience there was less than comfortable. i felt sooooo out of place, wishing i had stayed home. donovan and i had fun together but the times i found myself alone in the crowd of high schoolers was....
i have to wake up in 6hrs
i went to wenatchee today. i feel so at home there its odd, more so than i do anywhere. (thank you)
short read
she reads a few pages here and there, a few. just enough to get a feel for the main character and to witness mild situations that call for a trace of emotional response. at first enthralled, captivated even by the personality of this central figure she soon loses taste and all connective thought. so many pages not quite enough time, into the wind with further reading. im a book well-written but left unfinished. maybe one day this fair-excuse will find time to pick up where she left off. i'll be here while you're at the library looking for your next "read."
i like the idea but i dont like the way it came out. no excuses just frustration with my writing.
farewell,
adam
8.12.04
its late and i have FINALLY discovered how to post pictures. it has taken me more than an hour to find a good place to host them and the glorious ease by which PHOTOBUCKET allows one to do so makes me oh so happy oh so gay. im listenin to crash rickshaw. this picture is of me swingin from a tree that was in our backyard in south africa. i am superman, no joke. the house that holds the yard that holds the tree that holds my 4yr old self is one of the earliest homes i recall. this tree is the one my brother seemed to climb with such ease, he being 2yrs older than me was not a reasonable conclusion to my inability to reach his highest branch. i still own the scar on my knee from a fall. he climbed high enough to see into a robins nest, i never saw those shells... it was the home that was left when my parents marriage exploded, its the home that saw a robbery leaving our maid bound and gagged and my grandpa chasing the culprits with a mighty broom. a lot of my life is a blur but i still remember those pajamas well, i almost get chills thinking about stuff like that. the touch, smell, look of everything rushes back seeing this picture. to be innoncent again. above the entry gate to the house was a cloud of honey suckles, andre and i used to hang around the top of the huge iron gate sucking the necter...sesame seed candy reward was given by the neighbor who locked himself out of his house, luckily their was a 4yr old just small enough to wiggle his way through the bars of the mans fortress window...goodnight.
7.12.04
You have heard the blasphemy! What do you think?" And they all condemned Him to be deserving of death.
with emotions like a vapor,
our kindred hearts find little time.
passive seekers seek for voices to penetrate the sky.
walking streets of stone, does little to divide,
yourself from caves and darkness, the places where you hide.
scathing lips and deafened ears the price for own accord
active lies and hollow thought disdained by holy sword
hemled and clad by mortal sin, the weapon none can wield.
whelmed and glad by perfect kin, my Father's Son can shield.
i dont know if all that makes perfect sense to all but it does to me. our emotions cannot be our guidence because of their ability to disappear as a vapor. we all are in some way related, mankind...the little time is reference to how we as society get caught up in life. people are looking for answers but in a completely futile way, they stare at a dictionary hoping to be enlightened to the meaning of a simple word. its right there in front of them but they dont want to expell effort to find the answer. the lips and ears part is about how you seem to others as a result of leading a life consumed by sin and lust. your ears turn deaf to pure sounds. The lies and empty philosophy held can easily be destroyed by Gods sword of truth, his word is sharper than a double-edged sword. the power of sin has no hold that God cannot break, we cannot handle that weight so our Father sent his Son. The only one that can release the bond that sin posesses.
that was deeeply unpoetic, it almost tarnishes the poem but i will leave it for others sake.
3 days of meat free livin...goin strong.
im goin to hang out with folks from work tonight, we are gonna watch Elf. yessah, i dont know what to expect, they are all cool but i have not tread on that ground yet. blast, i cant find any of my beanies/hats...the one from england-gone, the furry one-gone, the carhart beanie-gone. ive resorted to wearing a half-sized RIM beanie, no good i tell ya, no good.
i felt like writing a lot last night but ended up scratching a few words that are mediocre at most. tofurkey would be rad.
Eloi you are mighty among the nations,
never given due credit but then again, your glory never depended on our praise.
it is constant and full, we worship your steadfast love and honest fire.
discredit my name to fulfill your own, crush my hardened soul and build a temple in its feeble stead. house my spirit in your arms defeat the names by which i protest.
Eloi (father)
our kindred hearts find little time.
passive seekers seek for voices to penetrate the sky.
walking streets of stone, does little to divide,
yourself from caves and darkness, the places where you hide.
scathing lips and deafened ears the price for own accord
active lies and hollow thought disdained by holy sword
hemled and clad by mortal sin, the weapon none can wield.
whelmed and glad by perfect kin, my Father's Son can shield.
i dont know if all that makes perfect sense to all but it does to me. our emotions cannot be our guidence because of their ability to disappear as a vapor. we all are in some way related, mankind...the little time is reference to how we as society get caught up in life. people are looking for answers but in a completely futile way, they stare at a dictionary hoping to be enlightened to the meaning of a simple word. its right there in front of them but they dont want to expell effort to find the answer. the lips and ears part is about how you seem to others as a result of leading a life consumed by sin and lust. your ears turn deaf to pure sounds. The lies and empty philosophy held can easily be destroyed by Gods sword of truth, his word is sharper than a double-edged sword. the power of sin has no hold that God cannot break, we cannot handle that weight so our Father sent his Son. The only one that can release the bond that sin posesses.
that was deeeply unpoetic, it almost tarnishes the poem but i will leave it for others sake.
3 days of meat free livin...goin strong.
im goin to hang out with folks from work tonight, we are gonna watch Elf. yessah, i dont know what to expect, they are all cool but i have not tread on that ground yet. blast, i cant find any of my beanies/hats...the one from england-gone, the furry one-gone, the carhart beanie-gone. ive resorted to wearing a half-sized RIM beanie, no good i tell ya, no good.
i felt like writing a lot last night but ended up scratching a few words that are mediocre at most. tofurkey would be rad.
Eloi you are mighty among the nations,
never given due credit but then again, your glory never depended on our praise.
it is constant and full, we worship your steadfast love and honest fire.
discredit my name to fulfill your own, crush my hardened soul and build a temple in its feeble stead. house my spirit in your arms defeat the names by which i protest.
Eloi (father)
5.12.04
Its a kick in the teeth, almost there. its on the tip of my tongue, and it never goes away.
(revised)
when you see a bright light shining as bright as a bright light would shine, the brightness of that particular light may be incredibly dim. It may even be dim enough to be classified as "out" although it assuredly and confidently sends forth the most miniscule rays and is capable of casting the softest shadows. this is the case in darkness, when you know a dying ember to be brilliant and blinding, it is just that. the smallest portion becomes the largest feast before a mighty hunger.
that took a while to put into words, its still not complete but in my mind it is reconciled. today i took a challenge... so im not eating meat for a month, this is gonna be hard but it can be done. not fore pleasure or to prove anything to anyone but for me. it was a challenge and i plan to meet (no pun intended) it.
dont ask me to leave all this, if you did i would.
and when i do, i fear i'll lose my "if" my "cant" my "should." (another dumb rhyme)
thats goin nowhere fast.
I really like dave matthews lately im listenin to warehouse (live) and its perty.
i shall write more tonight but for now im gonna go beat HALO II.
hi mom shap.
adam.
when you see a bright light shining as bright as a bright light would shine, the brightness of that particular light may be incredibly dim. It may even be dim enough to be classified as "out" although it assuredly and confidently sends forth the most miniscule rays and is capable of casting the softest shadows. this is the case in darkness, when you know a dying ember to be brilliant and blinding, it is just that. the smallest portion becomes the largest feast before a mighty hunger.
that took a while to put into words, its still not complete but in my mind it is reconciled. today i took a challenge... so im not eating meat for a month, this is gonna be hard but it can be done. not fore pleasure or to prove anything to anyone but for me. it was a challenge and i plan to meet (no pun intended) it.
dont ask me to leave all this, if you did i would.
and when i do, i fear i'll lose my "if" my "cant" my "should." (another dumb rhyme)
thats goin nowhere fast.
I really like dave matthews lately im listenin to warehouse (live) and its perty.
i shall write more tonight but for now im gonna go beat HALO II.
hi mom shap.
adam.
29.11.04
aggravation.
aggravation..
aggravation.
(synonym of pain, i wont call it pain cos it deserves a lesser word. not that it hurts less but i dont think i want to give it that much satisfaction.)
Yesterday had potential to be the best day of my life, instead the whirlwind of perfect experiences was tainted with ignorance, jealousy and sad cliche's for later writing.
every few yards of beauty was half-matched with an act made by another that proved to aggrevate and decrease my day. this i dont show, i live my life for others sometimes. im not willing to gloom about showing my pains because it will inevitably spill over to anothers cup. i guess im trying to be selfless but im finding more and more that it is a selfish act. as christians, out burdens are not out own.
i feel like a fool for thinking that things change and the best of people is what will come. For thinking that the bear trap is gone and that the pile of leaves is just a pile of beautiful leaves fallen from the beautiful red and orange trees. i was wrong, my leg is torn and bloody and i hope ive learned that i shouldnt eat regurgitated food.
-----------------------------------------------
it doesnt much feel like my daily bread,
or you like the air i breath. but it must be!
why?
because i have felt, and been fed and breathed your breath.
ive seen and tasted, heard you and touched thy hem.
at that i humbly ask to be made full, and for my mild lungs to expand and contract within your chest.
-----------------------------------------------
I went to see mewithoutYou last night, before hand we (daniel, laura, sarah) walked around seattle for hours. it was really entertaining, and fun. it was a chore to make it that but it was worth it. while standing in line, next to their tour bus david sparks saw aaron weiss, the lead singer for mwY. they talked for a little while and the flowers were brought up, aarond said that he didnt have any for the show yet but was going to get them soon. he then asked daniel if he had a car, daniel said nope but they do. it ended up being me driving around seattle to get flowers from pike place market. we eventually found it and 4 folks piled out my my overweight van to scrounge for day old flowers (as the market is closed on sundays and this was in fact sunday). All the while daniel and i talked in the car and played with my novelty keyboard. The returned like 20 minutes later with a garbage bag full of peppers and old whithered flowers. aaron played us a number on the keys and is a rad guy. he is a regular guy, no rock star no god among men. i never thought of him that way but it was nice to have this "icon" (to me anyway) manifest himself as being who he turned out to be. Thank you aaron.
we left and went to 7-11 in bothell, then i drove laura and sarah to the sparks where they are sleeping in a camper. the night ended with a handshake and less than a few words. i then drove daniel home, which was cool. we talked a bit and the ride seemed shorter than ive ever known before. while on my way home I...then i went to sleep.
aggravation..
aggravation.
(synonym of pain, i wont call it pain cos it deserves a lesser word. not that it hurts less but i dont think i want to give it that much satisfaction.)
Yesterday had potential to be the best day of my life, instead the whirlwind of perfect experiences was tainted with ignorance, jealousy and sad cliche's for later writing.
every few yards of beauty was half-matched with an act made by another that proved to aggrevate and decrease my day. this i dont show, i live my life for others sometimes. im not willing to gloom about showing my pains because it will inevitably spill over to anothers cup. i guess im trying to be selfless but im finding more and more that it is a selfish act. as christians, out burdens are not out own.
i feel like a fool for thinking that things change and the best of people is what will come. For thinking that the bear trap is gone and that the pile of leaves is just a pile of beautiful leaves fallen from the beautiful red and orange trees. i was wrong, my leg is torn and bloody and i hope ive learned that i shouldnt eat regurgitated food.
-----------------------------------------------
it doesnt much feel like my daily bread,
or you like the air i breath. but it must be!
why?
because i have felt, and been fed and breathed your breath.
ive seen and tasted, heard you and touched thy hem.
at that i humbly ask to be made full, and for my mild lungs to expand and contract within your chest.
-----------------------------------------------
I went to see mewithoutYou last night, before hand we (daniel, laura, sarah) walked around seattle for hours. it was really entertaining, and fun. it was a chore to make it that but it was worth it. while standing in line, next to their tour bus david sparks saw aaron weiss, the lead singer for mwY. they talked for a little while and the flowers were brought up, aarond said that he didnt have any for the show yet but was going to get them soon. he then asked daniel if he had a car, daniel said nope but they do. it ended up being me driving around seattle to get flowers from pike place market. we eventually found it and 4 folks piled out my my overweight van to scrounge for day old flowers (as the market is closed on sundays and this was in fact sunday). All the while daniel and i talked in the car and played with my novelty keyboard. The returned like 20 minutes later with a garbage bag full of peppers and old whithered flowers. aaron played us a number on the keys and is a rad guy. he is a regular guy, no rock star no god among men. i never thought of him that way but it was nice to have this "icon" (to me anyway) manifest himself as being who he turned out to be. Thank you aaron.
we left and went to 7-11 in bothell, then i drove laura and sarah to the sparks where they are sleeping in a camper. the night ended with a handshake and less than a few words. i then drove daniel home, which was cool. we talked a bit and the ride seemed shorter than ive ever known before. while on my way home I...then i went to sleep.
23.11.04
the daylight, its beautiful.
frustration.
frustration..
frustration.
God why?...im gonna stop there. i always ask God why. i never let him just tell me his ways/reasons or discretions, i just assume that i have to ask and that he wont answer me. soon i will forget this human pain and the cycle will flow as it has many years over. the impurity that fell will be lost in the clouds before it hits the ground.
i was gonna turn off the music so i can think more clearly but this song is really cool. DMB/the stone. on a side note five iron frenzy played their final show on November 22nd, 2003 one year ago to this day, well that day that passed a little more than an hour ago. amazing memories. rip (in a non literal sense, a memorial i suppose).
i dont know much but what i do know is how to cope with life. or so i thought. ya know ive been through a lot of weird stuff in my still short lifetime, a lot of stuff i think im gonna stop sharing with people. it turns into a big joke, i guess that happens because i make it that. i play things, terrible things off to be mere inconveniences and silly interruptions to life. inside i battle over decisions that will change my future and many others but my face is cheerfull, happy even. my poker face is supreme although it would translate disaster if my hand was shown. God is so big and im so stinkin small, thats the way i see it. God im sure sees it far differently. we are all somehow the biggest, most unique duty to him all the time. this complexity in our relationship serves only to amaze and perplex me.
i dont know.
i feel like going to God is too easy a task, that somehow, for some reason he expects more of us. more resourcefull beings are we. what an idiotic thought, find the answer in falacy, look to the lie for truth? nay.
people come up to me and tell me of my great impact on them regarding the way i handle trials, i say "its all God." they smile and walk away inspired by my pious answer. i am fake. Yes by God i made it through such a desperate time but more than not i relied on me not He. yes by their standards, measuring my faith and my actions in the mire of life i am a saint but by my own and by the rod that measures i fall flat and dust washes my eyes.
Too weak to wonder,Too tired to care,
Jesus Christ, are you really there?
I've fallen down,Can't pull myself back up.
I'm going to drown, have mercy,Have mercy.
I need you now,Not words or a feeling.
But Jesus Christ,I've hit the ceiling.
Your love,Your mercy,
Your light unending.
Your hope,Your peace,
Your strength my heart is mending.
(BS2 gloria)
amen.
frustration..
frustration.
God why?...im gonna stop there. i always ask God why. i never let him just tell me his ways/reasons or discretions, i just assume that i have to ask and that he wont answer me. soon i will forget this human pain and the cycle will flow as it has many years over. the impurity that fell will be lost in the clouds before it hits the ground.
i was gonna turn off the music so i can think more clearly but this song is really cool. DMB/the stone. on a side note five iron frenzy played their final show on November 22nd, 2003 one year ago to this day, well that day that passed a little more than an hour ago. amazing memories. rip (in a non literal sense, a memorial i suppose).
i dont know much but what i do know is how to cope with life. or so i thought. ya know ive been through a lot of weird stuff in my still short lifetime, a lot of stuff i think im gonna stop sharing with people. it turns into a big joke, i guess that happens because i make it that. i play things, terrible things off to be mere inconveniences and silly interruptions to life. inside i battle over decisions that will change my future and many others but my face is cheerfull, happy even. my poker face is supreme although it would translate disaster if my hand was shown. God is so big and im so stinkin small, thats the way i see it. God im sure sees it far differently. we are all somehow the biggest, most unique duty to him all the time. this complexity in our relationship serves only to amaze and perplex me.
i dont know.
i feel like going to God is too easy a task, that somehow, for some reason he expects more of us. more resourcefull beings are we. what an idiotic thought, find the answer in falacy, look to the lie for truth? nay.
people come up to me and tell me of my great impact on them regarding the way i handle trials, i say "its all God." they smile and walk away inspired by my pious answer. i am fake. Yes by God i made it through such a desperate time but more than not i relied on me not He. yes by their standards, measuring my faith and my actions in the mire of life i am a saint but by my own and by the rod that measures i fall flat and dust washes my eyes.
Too weak to wonder,Too tired to care,
Jesus Christ, are you really there?
I've fallen down,Can't pull myself back up.
I'm going to drown, have mercy,Have mercy.
I need you now,Not words or a feeling.
But Jesus Christ,I've hit the ceiling.
Your love,Your mercy,
Your light unending.
Your hope,Your peace,
Your strength my heart is mending.
(BS2 gloria)
amen.
18.11.04
Little-town Syndrome
Little-town syndrome, I feel like I’m dying slowly as if there’s a looming darkness. That darkness has black gloves and a plastic bag that he’s more than willing to share. Its nothing immediate, he stands behind me letting me feel his breath on my neck. Of course I don’t turn, I’m too busy living life and making myself appreciated. It was an epiphany at daylight, waking in this town of countless thousands, sad but true, it’s far too small. Similar faces, same expressions, tried and true. OJ wants two fresh oatmeal raisin cookies and a small cup of black brewed coffee. The same deal everyday give or take a bowl of soup and a refill of straight black. I’m sure this saint has seen it all, filled his plate with miles and miles, his cup with fascination ended with an abbreviation, not done yet. I can be like him but I’m not done yet, I’ve got to drop all this. See myself in countless mirrors, not just the one that hangs so tired on my bathroom wall. To be like him, He had to leave his life and find a new one. A faster pace and better shoes, ones made for dirty streets and empty rooms. This I would call living, no more garage’s that open up for you, no more fountains that come from a fridge. I want to live. With meekness, I will find humanity and live as Christ, humbled were His days and humble will mine be too.
yesterday at work i felt really small and infinitely unwise, some guy came in to work and i knew his drink. he asked for the usual and the usual is what he got. 16oz mocha, no whip, to go. this may seem great to some but its an omen to me of things to come. he then got on his cell phone and talked to his friend about meeting up and having a party for someone blah blah blah, it seemed like what it was. he was a 20something year old small town boy who was probably on the football team and knows the people who work at the local burger joint a few blocks away. i dont know how well or how long i can take this, living in this suburbia bliss. i need to be in the thick of something, big city or obscure land outside of this bubble of america.
anyhoooo, im off to run and eat and shower and yes. routine. later
17.11.04
Natch and back again
Listenin to Dave Matthews
Seek Up (live with Tim Reynolds)
Sins and Swears
We have no need for nets, safety or security,
those exist in theory not in life.
If God is love and love is real then where can I find Him?
In the fading arms of a one night stand,
or in the softest touch of a mother’s hand.
This honest question is ripe with lies.
My well-earned reputations, of being "steadfast"
and "true" have dissolved,
faster than these bitter pills.
I’ve taken them down, the hatch like all the rest, hymns and prayers.
I dont plan for redemption I plan for sins and swears.
This is me, im beyond myself and finding more and more
that i am disgusting, and quite frankly i like it.
this isnt the everyday adam but it is a part of me. the way i feel beneath the Almighty sometimes, inadequate and undefined.
This weekend was super, i went to wenatchee and played in the sandbox for a few days. I took the train there and returned today on a bus. the ride home was a bit of an adventure, i left wenatchee at 12:40 and arrived in downtown everett at 3:30 from there i hopped on a bus that had a lynwood sign thinking it would bring me closer to home, it did. from there i took another bus to the lynwood P&R then i looked for a bus to the Canyon Park P&R...i finally found it and had 15 minutes, i saw a KFC and went to get a KFC Crispy Chicken Wrap with Zinger sauce. It took a bit longer than i wanted it too i got back to the bus right when it was supposed to leave, luckily the driver was talkin to someone and didnt leave. getting to canyon park i thought about calling donovan but then felt a lot like walking the rest of the way home. it was pretty dark by now which made it fun. i walked a few miles home with my backpack and man purse completing the journey of radness also on the first bus, the 3+hr one from the Natch there was a 12 or so yr old girl that kept staring at me, i was eating beef jerkey and she was kind of plump. i almost gave her some but then ate it all cos i was starving. i also read a chapter of Deliver Us From Evil by Sean Hannity...i like it.
appologies for lack of punctuation...and structure.
Listenin to Frederic Chopin
Scherzo
fartwell,
Adam
Seek Up (live with Tim Reynolds)
Sins and Swears
We have no need for nets, safety or security,
those exist in theory not in life.
If God is love and love is real then where can I find Him?
In the fading arms of a one night stand,
or in the softest touch of a mother’s hand.
This honest question is ripe with lies.
My well-earned reputations, of being "steadfast"
and "true" have dissolved,
faster than these bitter pills.
I’ve taken them down, the hatch like all the rest, hymns and prayers.
I dont plan for redemption I plan for sins and swears.
This is me, im beyond myself and finding more and more
that i am disgusting, and quite frankly i like it.
this isnt the everyday adam but it is a part of me. the way i feel beneath the Almighty sometimes, inadequate and undefined.
This weekend was super, i went to wenatchee and played in the sandbox for a few days. I took the train there and returned today on a bus. the ride home was a bit of an adventure, i left wenatchee at 12:40 and arrived in downtown everett at 3:30 from there i hopped on a bus that had a lynwood sign thinking it would bring me closer to home, it did. from there i took another bus to the lynwood P&R then i looked for a bus to the Canyon Park P&R...i finally found it and had 15 minutes, i saw a KFC and went to get a KFC Crispy Chicken Wrap with Zinger sauce. It took a bit longer than i wanted it too i got back to the bus right when it was supposed to leave, luckily the driver was talkin to someone and didnt leave. getting to canyon park i thought about calling donovan but then felt a lot like walking the rest of the way home. it was pretty dark by now which made it fun. i walked a few miles home with my backpack and man purse completing the journey of radness also on the first bus, the 3+hr one from the Natch there was a 12 or so yr old girl that kept staring at me, i was eating beef jerkey and she was kind of plump. i almost gave her some but then ate it all cos i was starving. i also read a chapter of Deliver Us From Evil by Sean Hannity...i like it.
appologies for lack of punctuation...and structure.
Listenin to Frederic Chopin
Scherzo
fartwell,
Adam
9.11.04
(A tale half told) BARAK!
The strangest thing happened recently. I assure you embellishment is not the means by which I write. This is factual and convincingly weird.
My classmates and I were given sections of a textbook to read aloud during class. When it came upon me to read the whole class jumped out of their desks and ran to the door. Some leaving the class all together while others just looked through the doorways armpits and keyholes. Even the teacher was tip toed and clawing for a sight. After a few minutes of this monkey at the glass exhibition they turned and laughed back to their desks. I supposed I didn’t think much of it at the time, well not enough to get out of my desk and fight for a glimpse. I was relying on the front-runners of this spectacle to hand that baton of insight. Frankie, a petit, squirrelly-eyed girl who saw it all and wanted all to see! I was told of hundreds of ties and shirts hanging from the ceiling of the parking lots ceiling. Then she snickered a little snicker and drooled saying there was also a pair of boxers hanging like a flag above the cars. No choice but to grin, I grinned. Back to the book, I finished my “informative” section on anthropology, which was a lengthy two paragraphs long. Not having seen the parking area kind of disappointed me but school was nearly out. The moment that bell rang excitement bit my heels and I ran. I saw them all, they were blue, red, plaid, striped, and MINE! These ties were all mine! My van had been filled with clothing, as I didn’t have a place to store it all. I immediately ran to it to see if anything else had been done. The tires were fine, the dents were still there and most important of all I still had my jamming keyboard. It wasn't until i climbed into my usual saddle that i noticed something peculiar, it was a Styrofoam box holding the remains of someone’s teriyaki lunch at my feet. A clue I suppose. With the help of a friend I began to dismantle the abundance of ties hanging so naturally from the ceiling. This was a hard task because the ceiling was so high. To my surprise John Olerud comes walking up and decides to help, he is one tall fellow. Actually he was just the perfect height for plucking them down. The ties were free but now remained the boxers, my shame was too much so I left them there, hanging, waiting, forgotten. I thanked Mr. Olerud for his kindness and was on my way. I guess I blacked out for a while, the next thing I remember I am holding an orange IPOD Mini, which contained the address and phone numbers of about 10 people. I had found the gadget in the cracks of my rear seat where I kept the ties. As well as having the names and phone numbers of this mans friends I had his, Barak.
DANG it’s too bad that was a dream it was just getting good and someone decided to call me! Pieces of crap! Maybe one day or even some day I will catch Barak.
Good day,
adam
My classmates and I were given sections of a textbook to read aloud during class. When it came upon me to read the whole class jumped out of their desks and ran to the door. Some leaving the class all together while others just looked through the doorways armpits and keyholes. Even the teacher was tip toed and clawing for a sight. After a few minutes of this monkey at the glass exhibition they turned and laughed back to their desks. I supposed I didn’t think much of it at the time, well not enough to get out of my desk and fight for a glimpse. I was relying on the front-runners of this spectacle to hand that baton of insight. Frankie, a petit, squirrelly-eyed girl who saw it all and wanted all to see! I was told of hundreds of ties and shirts hanging from the ceiling of the parking lots ceiling. Then she snickered a little snicker and drooled saying there was also a pair of boxers hanging like a flag above the cars. No choice but to grin, I grinned. Back to the book, I finished my “informative” section on anthropology, which was a lengthy two paragraphs long. Not having seen the parking area kind of disappointed me but school was nearly out. The moment that bell rang excitement bit my heels and I ran. I saw them all, they were blue, red, plaid, striped, and MINE! These ties were all mine! My van had been filled with clothing, as I didn’t have a place to store it all. I immediately ran to it to see if anything else had been done. The tires were fine, the dents were still there and most important of all I still had my jamming keyboard. It wasn't until i climbed into my usual saddle that i noticed something peculiar, it was a Styrofoam box holding the remains of someone’s teriyaki lunch at my feet. A clue I suppose. With the help of a friend I began to dismantle the abundance of ties hanging so naturally from the ceiling. This was a hard task because the ceiling was so high. To my surprise John Olerud comes walking up and decides to help, he is one tall fellow. Actually he was just the perfect height for plucking them down. The ties were free but now remained the boxers, my shame was too much so I left them there, hanging, waiting, forgotten. I thanked Mr. Olerud for his kindness and was on my way. I guess I blacked out for a while, the next thing I remember I am holding an orange IPOD Mini, which contained the address and phone numbers of about 10 people. I had found the gadget in the cracks of my rear seat where I kept the ties. As well as having the names and phone numbers of this mans friends I had his, Barak.
DANG it’s too bad that was a dream it was just getting good and someone decided to call me! Pieces of crap! Maybe one day or even some day I will catch Barak.
Good day,
adam
8.11.04
Mmmmmblah
the past week has been amazing. God has been faithfull in so many areas, both hidden and visible. The biggest thing i need right now is structure. i need not stay awake until the wee hours of the night and awake deep in the mire of my laziness.
i wrote this a few days ago...
i've set an unholy blaze,
it was fed by my hands and all my woes.
it ran across my heart searing your love.
searching for my soul it begged for sins sweet fuel.
i fanned the flame while looking in your face, needless to say it was through the soot and smoke.
ive run and i've run, far enough for this fog to blind me.
my sight is gone and my will is charred.
ignite in me a brighter, more brilliant light oh Great Redeemer
and cauterize these wounds i bear.
purify the riches you've so abundantly given.
scars i can live with, reminders of your grace, your perfection in me.
HERES ONE IM WRITING RIGHT NOW AS I POST
ive said goodbye to yesterdays, theyve gone before the cold.
leading me, or previously demanding i be bold.
a warmer spring has has spread its wings beyond the reach of hand,
specters watch and failed crops dumbfound the smarter man
I WILL FINISH YOU LATER MY FRIEND.
i wrote this a few days ago...
i've set an unholy blaze,
it was fed by my hands and all my woes.
it ran across my heart searing your love.
searching for my soul it begged for sins sweet fuel.
i fanned the flame while looking in your face, needless to say it was through the soot and smoke.
ive run and i've run, far enough for this fog to blind me.
my sight is gone and my will is charred.
ignite in me a brighter, more brilliant light oh Great Redeemer
and cauterize these wounds i bear.
purify the riches you've so abundantly given.
scars i can live with, reminders of your grace, your perfection in me.
HERES ONE IM WRITING RIGHT NOW AS I POST
ive said goodbye to yesterdays, theyve gone before the cold.
leading me, or previously demanding i be bold.
a warmer spring has has spread its wings beyond the reach of hand,
specters watch and failed crops dumbfound the smarter man
I WILL FINISH YOU LATER MY FRIEND.
27.10.04
Ramble of ramblings
hello...there.
the sox won, 8 straight wins to victory.
johnny damon is by far the coolest baseball player known to man, or beast. listenin to espn radio today my ears fell captive to the dan patrick show which hosted so many rad people... one of which was a collumnist for sports illustrated. he was talkin about the sox and brought up damons wierdness. one topic of conversation was pre game rituals, damons include chillin naked on the locker room couch as well as doing naked-pull-ups in a brave attempt to pump his team mates up..hmm..the second was the preseason conditioning that damon required of himself. if you havent set eyes on this guy you are missing out. hes is a reformed pretty boy gone bearded mtn man. what he did to get in shape for the regular season was run late at night, no theres more. he would chase cars down his street late at night in an attempt to catch them...the hound never catches the rabbit. how rad would that be! coming home from some lat function to have johnny damon chase down your car in sweat pants and a beard. i dont wanna write much more so i wont. ive expelled all i can expell.
later
the sox won, 8 straight wins to victory.
johnny damon is by far the coolest baseball player known to man, or beast. listenin to espn radio today my ears fell captive to the dan patrick show which hosted so many rad people... one of which was a collumnist for sports illustrated. he was talkin about the sox and brought up damons wierdness. one topic of conversation was pre game rituals, damons include chillin naked on the locker room couch as well as doing naked-pull-ups in a brave attempt to pump his team mates up..hmm..the second was the preseason conditioning that damon required of himself. if you havent set eyes on this guy you are missing out. hes is a reformed pretty boy gone bearded mtn man. what he did to get in shape for the regular season was run late at night, no theres more. he would chase cars down his street late at night in an attempt to catch them...the hound never catches the rabbit. how rad would that be! coming home from some lat function to have johnny damon chase down your car in sweat pants and a beard. i dont wanna write much more so i wont. ive expelled all i can expell.
later
26.10.04
http://www.chairandcouch.com/nostinkingway.mov
this seems to be one of the coolest videos ive seen...
i remember that night as if it were a crisp apple being torn by my hunger, the siegel father was gathering rage for hours. at the specific moment that you see his primal fury he was destroyed by his son, young joshua siegel. the previous hours of this night held his blood, and much of it at the hands of josh and i. not long after this glorious incident the elder of two, jermey siegel entered a fit of halo mastery.
later
this seems to be one of the coolest videos ive seen...
i remember that night as if it were a crisp apple being torn by my hunger, the siegel father was gathering rage for hours. at the specific moment that you see his primal fury he was destroyed by his son, young joshua siegel. the previous hours of this night held his blood, and much of it at the hands of josh and i. not long after this glorious incident the elder of two, jermey siegel entered a fit of halo mastery.
later
25.10.04
Axed, given the boot, disowned, cut loose, fired.
today was quite an amazing day and in this day God showed His mighty arm of provision. today i was scheduled to go to a demo class at starbucks so i could learn how to sell $300 coffee machines to dumb customers. that was the plan as of 3 days ago but i now knew that i when i got to work at 12 it would be my former place of work. i went into the Lyons Den this morning to say hi to the owners, you know show the face and give a good impression. i showed up at 11 and lynn decided to interview me right then and there. it went awesome, incredible, good. i then hustled home to get my starbucks garb for my final exit and fancy farewell. i got there and signed the paperwork then bid hasta to the cool kids of redmond town center starbucks as a "partner." i guess im sad about it but for the rad relationships i have developed. hmmm...i havent thought much about it till right now. im really gonna miss that place, more than i knew a few hours ago. anyway i got a call from the Lyons Den at around 4:30 and they have hired me so i was jobless for no more than 4 hrs...GOD IS AMAZING.
(fif)...EVERY NEW DAY
man versus himself, man versus maching,
man versus the world, mankind versus me.
the struggles go on the wisdom i lack,
the burdens keep piling up on my back,
so hard to breath to make the next step,
the mountain is high i wait in the depths,
yearning for grace and hoping for peace,
dear God increase.
Healing hands of God have mercy
On our unclean souls once again
Jesus Christ, light of the world
Burning bright within our hearts forever
Freedom means love without condition
Without a beginning or an end
Here's my heart, let it be forever Yours
Only You can make every new day seem so new
(fif)...EVERY NEW DAY
man versus himself, man versus maching,
man versus the world, mankind versus me.
the struggles go on the wisdom i lack,
the burdens keep piling up on my back,
so hard to breath to make the next step,
the mountain is high i wait in the depths,
yearning for grace and hoping for peace,
dear God increase.
Healing hands of God have mercy
On our unclean souls once again
Jesus Christ, light of the world
Burning bright within our hearts forever
Freedom means love without condition
Without a beginning or an end
Here's my heart, let it be forever Yours
Only You can make every new day seem so new
Memories and stories that are told.
Summer night skies bridge gaps between divine and inconsistent.
We're both here, you in yours, me in mine. Apart.
In these moments when stars find stillness we can speak.
As close as I can come, as near as you will be.
Almost cool enough to leave, but somehow your warmth finds me.
Distractions glow beneath, your name is on my lips.
Your voice could stop my heart so I lay belly up forgetting how to breath, forgetting how to see.
the sky has grabbed my attention in recent months, the vastness of His creation is startling. that poems about a specific night when i lay on the roof of a friends house for quite some time waiting to see a shooting star, it never came. no shooting star but i did retain the feeling of complete chaos caused by being so small and inferior to such a mighty Father. although small and inferior i am found to be much more than insignificant. Under the stillness i was found to be a conqueror and a herald.
peace and much hairgrease.
We're both here, you in yours, me in mine. Apart.
In these moments when stars find stillness we can speak.
As close as I can come, as near as you will be.
Almost cool enough to leave, but somehow your warmth finds me.
Distractions glow beneath, your name is on my lips.
Your voice could stop my heart so I lay belly up forgetting how to breath, forgetting how to see.
the sky has grabbed my attention in recent months, the vastness of His creation is startling. that poems about a specific night when i lay on the roof of a friends house for quite some time waiting to see a shooting star, it never came. no shooting star but i did retain the feeling of complete chaos caused by being so small and inferior to such a mighty Father. although small and inferior i am found to be much more than insignificant. Under the stillness i was found to be a conqueror and a herald.
peace and much hairgrease.
23.10.04
ok so ive been thinkin about my favorite things lately (as one might do if they had things that brought them more joy than others) and i suppose i should and will share them with myself, since i am the only one to read this dumb thing.
i guess the coolest categories are music , writing and all around coolness...
Music
Writing
Coolest Things...by far
i guess the coolest categories are music , writing and all around coolness...
Music
- Five Iron Frenzy (inspiring, fun)
- Blindside (ripping off your face, amazing)
- mewithoutYou (provoking, stirring)
- Pedro the Lion (relaxing, relational)
- Squad Five-O (energizing, unrelenting)
Writing
- Clive Staples Lewis (enlightens the enlightened, anomally)
- Michael Reese Roper (humble...hmm, imaginitive)
- Aaron Weiss (------ -- ----, incredibly gifted)
- Dustin Kensrue (knowledgeable, wise beyond age)
Coolest Things...by far
- Going to buy that anticipated cd and not being disappointed by the unravelled plastic and paper.
- The opportunity to repent
- Summer night skies bridging the gap between the divine and the inconsistent.
- Sheila, my ill-fated, tattoo wearing mini of a van.
- Speaking before you taint all words with insecurity, and supply demand.
- I'm sure there are more so i will put this one here in sweet honor.
20.10.04
Dove or Hawk
I was watching Hannity and Colmes last night and some old guy referred to John Kerry as trying to be both a dove and a hawk. I loved that analogy the second i heard it, i wrote it down immediately and later that night applied it to something we all need. its about grace and the ways we often view it.
Dove or Hawk
Splitting skies, the clouds awake.
Light is found here, in this night
before days break.
It knows no end, no bridge to cross.
Amber waves seeking sand,
pounding shores of loss.
Arrogant “I cant erode!”
“I’m far too strong” I say
“I’ve paved this road!”
More distance granted grace appears.
Dove or hawk I see
my hope or fears?
Closer sight reveals my lie,
I seek to skin my self alive!
a predator of truth and love,
soon this will end and the hawk will forever be a dove.
Dove or Hawk
Splitting skies, the clouds awake.
Light is found here, in this night
before days break.
It knows no end, no bridge to cross.
Amber waves seeking sand,
pounding shores of loss.
Arrogant “I cant erode!”
“I’m far too strong” I say
“I’ve paved this road!”
More distance granted grace appears.
Dove or hawk I see
my hope or fears?
Closer sight reveals my lie,
I seek to skin my self alive!
a predator of truth and love,
soon this will end and the hawk will forever be a dove.
14.10.04
Last night i saw endeavor play at the Graceland, it was one of the best performances they have given. i really enjoyed myself, it was a change of pace from the usual. that being go to the venue hours before the show to setup with the fellas then during the show take pictures or listen intently for flaws to talk about later. i didnt examine the music for what it was or what it wasnt, everything was ignored except for the task at hand, enjoy myself. that was rad cos i feel like i havent had much fun lately. life hasnt been a drag but it hasnt been up to my high expectation of what i so humbly think it should be. i danced for multiple minutes, not the waltz or electric slide but a spectacle described as a tornado of hair thats kinda drunk. i dont drink but i tend to appear that way in mosh pits. before it all started one of those white bubbles appeared above my head and said "yo adam you arent wearing shoes dummy" I then replied "yes? you arent wearing any either!" its funny how pain is numbed when yer having a good time. ok so heres a dumb poem i wrote 5 minutes ago...
This looks like progress,
I’d better follow suit.
Cloth myself in all they are,
Clean myself of what I am.
I don’t see it as conformation,
Rather a confirmation of who I should become.
It shouldn’t be that bad,
In fact I’m told its gonna be pretty good for me.
Soon I won’t have to apologize for my coarse, common tendencies,
But for now, I’m sorry.
Not for the ignorance but the sawdust I present as useful.
this chaff will be a chest and I am told it is going to be good for me.
This looks like progress,
I’d better follow suit.
Cloth myself in all they are,
Clean myself of what I am.
I don’t see it as conformation,
Rather a confirmation of who I should become.
It shouldn’t be that bad,
In fact I’m told its gonna be pretty good for me.
Soon I won’t have to apologize for my coarse, common tendencies,
But for now, I’m sorry.
Not for the ignorance but the sawdust I present as useful.
this chaff will be a chest and I am told it is going to be good for me.
11.10.04
Stuff written in the past few weeks...
Wrote this last night...my frustration is mounting, i cant get out of this rut of rhyming...see!
i also just heard a Postal Service song and i liked it.
Speak to me in lack of words,
sing me songs in distant chords,
pluck thy harp with sudden stillness
retreive my soul and father fill this.
a life unlived im giving you,
describe the path, the one i choose.
-----
Abel’s Blood
barely born, we hide our shame,
vice or thorn they've hurt the same.
indignant nature we befall,
reeling from deceptive gall.
screams arise beneath our tread,
these telling souls of shame we dread.
one brothers blood spoke to Glory,
unwritten still is my sins story.
Genesis 4:10 The voice of your brother’s blood cries out to Me from the ground.
-----
Speechless
that feeling of being slow to speak,
not having words, an emotive veil,
disconcerting at its highest peak.
joy has taken me there,
and sorrow higher.
there must be a place, or destination rather,
something so profound has no choice but to dwell,
somewhere, or i suppose even at some time.
tips of tongues are but empty wells.
to tell my lord "i love you" is to settle,
my heart speaks in terms yet to be heard.
he knows them in full,
language is but a hindrance to my adoration."i love you lord."
-----
dainty fabulous luscious fantastic,
held together by duct tape and plastic,
fragile disturbed reluctant of change,
teenage girls haven’t chosen their ways.
tell them its normal perfection is beauty,
perverted we ask for a glimpse of her booty.
instant rebates one cleavage and midriff
society thrives on money and boob lifts.
if i were to tell you, "to hell with the Hiltons"
odds are you'd slap me because they’re your "godsend."
however, life doesn’t have to be this way,
staking your life on diet and clay.
justly he gives and justly he takes,he gave you beauty and chocolate cake.
-----
Caged
it'll fail you,
it has me.
deceived at bargain prices,
I’m holding this bait and hook.
undeniable, a heavy thirst.
a hunger and head that shook.
a caged bird waiting to be fed,
tweetin’ from scrap to scrap, waiting.
blind! a feast beneath my plumes.
empty perception made a king,
excuses dig our tombs
-----
"lord have mercy on your servant"
cliché’!
ask and you shall receive,
seek and you shall indeed find.
He has revealed himself to you,
ignorance will play no part, be bathed in His mercy,
leave behind the thin, torn veil,
the one you so confidently hid behind.
just as the religous once stood behind.
nervous disclosure.
fall forward, turn yellow and run.nervous disclosure.
i also just heard a Postal Service song and i liked it.
Speak to me in lack of words,
sing me songs in distant chords,
pluck thy harp with sudden stillness
retreive my soul and father fill this.
a life unlived im giving you,
describe the path, the one i choose.
-----
Abel’s Blood
barely born, we hide our shame,
vice or thorn they've hurt the same.
indignant nature we befall,
reeling from deceptive gall.
screams arise beneath our tread,
these telling souls of shame we dread.
one brothers blood spoke to Glory,
unwritten still is my sins story.
Genesis 4:10 The voice of your brother’s blood cries out to Me from the ground.
-----
Speechless
that feeling of being slow to speak,
not having words, an emotive veil,
disconcerting at its highest peak.
joy has taken me there,
and sorrow higher.
there must be a place, or destination rather,
something so profound has no choice but to dwell,
somewhere, or i suppose even at some time.
tips of tongues are but empty wells.
to tell my lord "i love you" is to settle,
my heart speaks in terms yet to be heard.
he knows them in full,
language is but a hindrance to my adoration."i love you lord."
-----
dainty fabulous luscious fantastic,
held together by duct tape and plastic,
fragile disturbed reluctant of change,
teenage girls haven’t chosen their ways.
tell them its normal perfection is beauty,
perverted we ask for a glimpse of her booty.
instant rebates one cleavage and midriff
society thrives on money and boob lifts.
if i were to tell you, "to hell with the Hiltons"
odds are you'd slap me because they’re your "godsend."
however, life doesn’t have to be this way,
staking your life on diet and clay.
justly he gives and justly he takes,he gave you beauty and chocolate cake.
-----
Caged
it'll fail you,
it has me.
deceived at bargain prices,
I’m holding this bait and hook.
undeniable, a heavy thirst.
a hunger and head that shook.
a caged bird waiting to be fed,
tweetin’ from scrap to scrap, waiting.
blind! a feast beneath my plumes.
empty perception made a king,
excuses dig our tombs
-----
"lord have mercy on your servant"
cliché’!
ask and you shall receive,
seek and you shall indeed find.
He has revealed himself to you,
ignorance will play no part, be bathed in His mercy,
leave behind the thin, torn veil,
the one you so confidently hid behind.
just as the religous once stood behind.
nervous disclosure.
fall forward, turn yellow and run.nervous disclosure.
10.10.04
My most recent attempt.
A Place of Contentment
another park bench, or the gazebo where the young couple is hiding love?
a cane now presses against his leg, a sign of things to come.
the lord smiles still, at this tweed jacket of a man.
those channels still grip his face, a little deeper now,
a little more time takes hold.
never gray, this morning's filled with promise,
tonight is cards with roger and the boys.
still no letter, still no word.
the lord looks on these dull faded eyes,
he looks and sees a servant, late to bloom but oh father thank you that he has.
once a thorn, now a flower,
the bastard now a son.
there is a huge back story to this but i think its probably cooler for anyone who reads it to remain guessing. make up yer own stinkin story, thats what its about. thats what its for.
Howdy First Post Ear
So the other site i had sucked, this blog may suck too but in a lesser capacity and degree. i feel like i have gone from using AOL to an alternative internet provider such as Verizon DSL. i have indeed clicked on that little blue "e."
I dont know exactly what compels me to write, but lately i havent been able to steer from the desire. When im not writing, im thinking about topics i havent touched or phrases i have yet to pen. that being said, the motive of this site is not too hard to guess, nor will the content be.
I dont know exactly what compels me to write, but lately i havent been able to steer from the desire. When im not writing, im thinking about topics i havent touched or phrases i have yet to pen. that being said, the motive of this site is not too hard to guess, nor will the content be.
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