Ive been posting a lot the past few days...read em because they were born out of some excitement which made me post them in such a blob.
I wrote this last night, christmas...well it was the 26th but late last night...
I’m beginning to remember what life was like before the fall,
the tumble crumble of that hideous wall.
Built around us as false protection,
built as safety from seeing eyes and from my affection.
Tip toeing through vineyards vine,
the wall is gone but you hide yourself.
You hide yourself so well.
Thinking I’ve seen your dress,
I call your name into the wood,
returning void my hearts digress,
never forgetting but losing things I should.
You seem to be gone but a shadow remains here among the warm,
an imprint on a changing world.
Your shade is thinning slowly because I still hope,
maybe we will wake from this dream where in a ball my mind has curled.
tartar, im goin to BESTBUY to cash in.
adam
26.12.04
WORLD PEACEKEEPER: Navy Seal
eyes: blue
hair: blonde
heigth: 13inches
weight: unknown
DOB: unknown
name: Douglas E. Donaldson
Donaldson was assigned to me thursday, decenber 23rd. He has no past to tell of, his existence is disputed. My protection and my friend, Douglas would sacrifice his life for any one of my friends and of course for me. This is a picture taken while standing guard over the kitchen.
here is another, closer shot of my friend.
goodnight,
adam
hair: blonde
heigth: 13inches
weight: unknown
DOB: unknown
name: Douglas E. Donaldson
Donaldson was assigned to me thursday, decenber 23rd. He has no past to tell of, his existence is disputed. My protection and my friend, Douglas would sacrifice his life for any one of my friends and of course for me. This is a picture taken while standing guard over the kitchen.
here is another, closer shot of my friend.
goodnight,
adam
25.12.04
now witness this, an unfolding.
an epitaph reading "Hither lies the old man, having given birth to hate, greed and elusive behavior." Never did he waver, until his host declared him a toast. "Goodbye and Goodnight."
Sprouting from cold stone is new meaning, resurrected from a new borns smile. Things can change, "they must" says this child with a rattle of the jaw.
SORRY- a pointless reply to ones actions. it is never enough to JUST say that childish word that serves only to make one feel less guilt about committing a misdeed. "Please Forgive ME." sorry reads as a childish plea for lesser consequence. Asking to be FORGIVEN is an acknowledgement of sin, accepting wrongs and is the unsaid agreement of repentence before out father.
we are so uptight these days. i am apologized to because someone coughs a little too loud or brushes my precious arm with their green jacket. I apologize for knocking you down or spitting on your shoe because my lips calibration is a bit off today. We need more understanding, less apologies for things that cause no harm. i understand that you didnt mean to step on my heel, i dont forgive you because it doesnt hurt me. lets keep on walking and talkin, not about accidents but about how your day was or what you will be doing on your day off of work. understanding of one another is what we need.
im reading this awesome new book SEEING AND SAVORING jesus christ by John Piper.
it gives me the same feeling i get when reading a work of CS LEWIS. amazing authors.
Ch.1.P.10.
Everyone can read the stories of Jesus and "see" the portraits painted by the words of those who knew him. But not everyone sees truth and beauty and infinit value. Some see only myth. Some see foolishness. Some see offense. "Seeing they do not see." It is as though a child should look at a Michelangelo and prefer a comic strip.
this illustration is so rad. There is no doubting the beauty of his masterpieces all around us when we are educated in the history of how it came to be. closely inspecting a Seurat does no good, one must stand back and view the pointillists creation as it was meant to be viewed, from afar. taking in every piece that forms a greater whole.
i wrote this in my car. i had to pull over. after the first line.
i want a lyrical stagger or swagger.
when walking through the dark my readers see a familiar figure,
capturing all the right bits of light. then calling out to me knowing my broad shouldered walk and my way with words.
slowly but i get there, leading you close to me.
GOODNIGHT AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS. IM READY FOR MY MEATLESS HOLLIDAY!
farewell,
adam
an epitaph reading "Hither lies the old man, having given birth to hate, greed and elusive behavior." Never did he waver, until his host declared him a toast. "Goodbye and Goodnight."
Sprouting from cold stone is new meaning, resurrected from a new borns smile. Things can change, "they must" says this child with a rattle of the jaw.
SORRY- a pointless reply to ones actions. it is never enough to JUST say that childish word that serves only to make one feel less guilt about committing a misdeed. "Please Forgive ME." sorry reads as a childish plea for lesser consequence. Asking to be FORGIVEN is an acknowledgement of sin, accepting wrongs and is the unsaid agreement of repentence before out father.
we are so uptight these days. i am apologized to because someone coughs a little too loud or brushes my precious arm with their green jacket. I apologize for knocking you down or spitting on your shoe because my lips calibration is a bit off today. We need more understanding, less apologies for things that cause no harm. i understand that you didnt mean to step on my heel, i dont forgive you because it doesnt hurt me. lets keep on walking and talkin, not about accidents but about how your day was or what you will be doing on your day off of work. understanding of one another is what we need.
im reading this awesome new book SEEING AND SAVORING jesus christ by John Piper.
it gives me the same feeling i get when reading a work of CS LEWIS. amazing authors.
Ch.1.P.10.
Everyone can read the stories of Jesus and "see" the portraits painted by the words of those who knew him. But not everyone sees truth and beauty and infinit value. Some see only myth. Some see foolishness. Some see offense. "Seeing they do not see." It is as though a child should look at a Michelangelo and prefer a comic strip.
this illustration is so rad. There is no doubting the beauty of his masterpieces all around us when we are educated in the history of how it came to be. closely inspecting a Seurat does no good, one must stand back and view the pointillists creation as it was meant to be viewed, from afar. taking in every piece that forms a greater whole.
i wrote this in my car. i had to pull over. after the first line.
i want a lyrical stagger or swagger.
when walking through the dark my readers see a familiar figure,
capturing all the right bits of light. then calling out to me knowing my broad shouldered walk and my way with words.
slowly but i get there, leading you close to me.
GOODNIGHT AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS. IM READY FOR MY MEATLESS HOLLIDAY!
farewell,
adam
23.12.04
deviation from the plan
i feel as though i havent posted in weeks. i havent written for a while. until just recently, i wrote a letter to someone, it fulfilled that hour oath i have not kept lately. Now i wait and hope for the best, well anything but silence is the best in this case. it was a freeing hour, expulsion of thoughts that had been caged for weeks now. maybe it seemed as though i hadnt written for weeks because those ravenous words needed out. their desire to be heard was so strong that it made all other writing feel meaningless and far from acceptable.
i gave donovan his christmas present early, i wont see him on christmas so i figured another day early wont matter. in a justifying attempt i also add that it was the Dave Matthews Live @ the Gorge CD/DVD...im listenin to the latter half of the tracks right now. we watched the dvd earlier, they are such an amazing band. aaaaah thats what i wanted to do aside from sleep and read pointless news articles about things the world thought i may care about. Read some dmatt. lyrics...i wrote dmatt. because i thought dm may be too vague for all you readers...i also thought i should tell you that just incase you were wondering why i made the abbreviation for dave matthews too lone (dmatt.) i dont think you are dumb, i promise. the dvd is rad, i love his voice and their music as a whole is magical. i think that is the only way to describe it, pure magic. WOW that was close, i clicked on a link from a different page which nearly took this page to my desired destination...not good when you have written a fair ammount and you dont feel like bs-ing your way back to this point riiiiiiight
i put a link up there to my deviant art page...nothing too rad but it is, and will be forever more mine.
i went out to dinner with joey and tawnee tonight. im still on this whole vegetarian deal so no meat for adam. this was not so great cos we went to Claim Jumper and all 3 of my friends, joey, tawnee, donovan got steak. i was surrounded and tempted beyond all forsight i may have had to give up! tawnee ate only half of her $20 juicy, medium rare slab of cow rear! i almost grabbed it off her plate and savored its goodness. 14days remain. JAN 6th will be my feast.
there is good that is coming out of this. Those with an affinity for meat, steak in particular have
a steakometer. it runs from 1-10 judging their affection for the red joy, most are at a 6-7. there are a few, as i was who are at a 9-10 level. joey is also at that level. mine is growing, i am forever expanding my steakometer. by the final day of this torture mine will be on a 1-17 scale, the joy i have in eating steak will far ourweigh any others. the juicyness and flavor of that dead animal will fill my life with satisfaction as no steak has before. crap ive gotta talk about something more, im jonesing for it!
Our hands are hardly touching,
im sorry thats my fault.
i went for a walk with another today,
i hated it so much,
my sorrowfull words will not express my fault.
if only one thing was accomplised it was the rope that was tied.
only to scare me of course,
a well achieved goal to parylize me with fear and regret.
tie that noose around my kneck,
bound my wrists with rope that cuts.
Your rebuttel is of higher weight.
with righteouss light you cut my bonds.
i have sin, truth has found me
you have my sin, truth is in me.
take from me my life.
(i ended that quickly, the heart is there but the words dont express it well enough. i will never be pleased.)
farewell andmyfeetarecold,
adam
i gave donovan his christmas present early, i wont see him on christmas so i figured another day early wont matter. in a justifying attempt i also add that it was the Dave Matthews Live @ the Gorge CD/DVD...im listenin to the latter half of the tracks right now. we watched the dvd earlier, they are such an amazing band. aaaaah thats what i wanted to do aside from sleep and read pointless news articles about things the world thought i may care about. Read some dmatt. lyrics...i wrote dmatt. because i thought dm may be too vague for all you readers...i also thought i should tell you that just incase you were wondering why i made the abbreviation for dave matthews too lone (dmatt.) i dont think you are dumb, i promise. the dvd is rad, i love his voice and their music as a whole is magical. i think that is the only way to describe it, pure magic. WOW that was close, i clicked on a link from a different page which nearly took this page to my desired destination...not good when you have written a fair ammount and you dont feel like bs-ing your way back to this point riiiiiiight
i put a link up there to my deviant art page...nothing too rad but it is, and will be forever more mine.
i went out to dinner with joey and tawnee tonight. im still on this whole vegetarian deal so no meat for adam. this was not so great cos we went to Claim Jumper and all 3 of my friends, joey, tawnee, donovan got steak. i was surrounded and tempted beyond all forsight i may have had to give up! tawnee ate only half of her $20 juicy, medium rare slab of cow rear! i almost grabbed it off her plate and savored its goodness. 14days remain. JAN 6th will be my feast.
there is good that is coming out of this. Those with an affinity for meat, steak in particular have
a steakometer. it runs from 1-10 judging their affection for the red joy, most are at a 6-7. there are a few, as i was who are at a 9-10 level. joey is also at that level. mine is growing, i am forever expanding my steakometer. by the final day of this torture mine will be on a 1-17 scale, the joy i have in eating steak will far ourweigh any others. the juicyness and flavor of that dead animal will fill my life with satisfaction as no steak has before. crap ive gotta talk about something more, im jonesing for it!
Our hands are hardly touching,
im sorry thats my fault.
i went for a walk with another today,
i hated it so much,
my sorrowfull words will not express my fault.
if only one thing was accomplised it was the rope that was tied.
only to scare me of course,
a well achieved goal to parylize me with fear and regret.
tie that noose around my kneck,
bound my wrists with rope that cuts.
Your rebuttel is of higher weight.
with righteouss light you cut my bonds.
i have sin, truth has found me
you have my sin, truth is in me.
take from me my life.
(i ended that quickly, the heart is there but the words dont express it well enough. i will never be pleased.)
farewell andmyfeetarecold,
adam
18.12.04
The space between
At work, yes again I came up with an idea at work. I have an extended amount of time to think, while doing dishes, making mochas or sweeping the café I open my mind to the awkward flow that is Adam.
I decided that I will be writing an hour a day. Give or take a bit of time but I am committing to writing for close to if not more than 60 minutes a day. If this is something I desire to take a larger shape in my life, I figure that time spent jotting my thoughts will do well. I write a lot as it is, but it is mostly garbage, full of voids that gape the symmetric verses. If only all my lines were as flawless as I perceive the latter portion of that last sentence to be. I run on a lot and I don’t know when to use a ; or a :…I have some idea, a vague guess that may be correct but I want to know the rules, laws so I can master them and later decide whether I should break them. If I don’t know the reason for a rules existence how can I discount its importance? It may hold some unrevealed context and perfect use; I’d like to know. (Mic. Word prescribed the use of the semi-colon).
If I am writing just to write as a swimmer swims to swim I do so with such fervor and desire as an Olympian. I don’t want this to become a daily task which serves as a punch card, another file I will inevitably delete. Lengthy is not so much the issue as content. Walking through a great desert I stumble upon a table holding two cups. I must choose only one of these cups. The first is filled to the brim and the second is filled a little less than halfway with what I know to be water. Which do I take? Although the first seems to be the logical choice, I find that a fairly small percentage of it is urine. The content of the cup is defiled and worth less then the meager portion held by the seemingly lesser vessel.
Tomorrow I am going shopping with Laura, a grand ol time it shall be. GOODNIGHT.
Farewell,
adam
16.12.04
the holes in my ears have their porpoise.
its funny the way we train ourselves to do things a certain way. for instance i am sitting in my bedroom with the lights off on my bed/couch. i do this every night because donovan, my best friend also sleeps in this room, he goes to school early and so desires a good and early nights sleep. i bring this up because he is not here but i still feel that i cant write like i would usually if the lights are and i am not in my room on my bed in silence.
as i was sweeping the doorway at work today i had a bit of an epiphany as to what i may reply next time someone rants about the holes in my ears. i thought of my grandfather who hasnt said anything about them but is bound to eventually. he has had the same haircut for 50ish years, that requires a bit of commitment, to sport a short conservative dew for that long you must have at one point or another decided "hey i like this and its gonne be here for a while!" i decided to make the small holes in my ears big, i am willing and happy to deal with whatever consequences they bring. "Do you know what those are gonna look like in 30yrs?" yes i do "do you know what your beautiful cadillac is going to look like in 30 yrs, i didnt spend $25k on my ears thanks." i also thought about how cool its going to be to be an old dad with plugs, a grandpa even. i wasnt so sure about the whole piercing thing at first but i really really like them now. i also think that Zero is a good size. i may go to DblZero but i doubt any farther.
haha as i was driving home from work i was thinking how funny emo songs are so i started singing, and this came out. the first 2 lines anyway.
you threw my words that did not matter,
like the blood that has just splattered,
from my heart thats beating slow
like a child with stunted growth
chorus
i hear the sounds of what you said,
it echoed through my acheing head
on and on you go, hiding all you broke.
...i cant think of any more...haha this was inspired by ian burke and his gracious triumphs at EMOtional literature.
tomorrow megan krantz will be playing at the Den as us employees fondly refer to it as...i feel a bit odd doing that but i suppose i should start. the closes are getting a bit boring, i should really start trying to connect with those old gals, mary and becky. the latter of the 2 is easier to get along with. mary is set in her ways and is right, always. she also knows how to do everything the right way which is often the annoying way.
11days strong, the battle is nearly half done and the animals are left uneaten. its sad that they have to die and not be eaten. one less person eating meat means one more piece of steak that will be thrown into the trash. im sorry dead cows and chickens, i will consume you soon.
i got a highly unexpected call today. hesistant i returned it, i dont know what to think or feel, i am consumed with doubt, wavering emotions and questions that will find no answers. God it is far too easy to say it is in your hands because your hands are the application of your will. i almost find it absurd to say that "if its gods wil..." however you finish that...i think that God has intrusted us with great responsibility by allowing us to make decisions that will better or make worse the lives we live and the world we live them in. is there someone out there that God has chosen for me? i dont think there is, i think that he gave me the capacity for wisdom and discernment which if harnessed and applied will yield me someone who meets Gods will for my life...at the same time i believe that he is the beginning and end, all knowing and omnipotent.
i will write more tomorrow, before the late hrs of the wee night. wow its almost 1, it seems so early
i drew this picture probably about a year ago. its one of my favorites. when drawing i never start out with the notion hey im gonna draw a choo chooo train or hmmm im gonna draw a goofy clown man...no. i start drawing and it takes shape magically. its freeing i suppose, from what i dont know. this particular one took the shape of a vietnam veteran. hes in his late 40's and has very little to his name, the street is his home and the coin just became his. His tattoo, the one on his left arm is the xi-rho (greek letters overlayed) they were used by Constantine in rome as a symbol for Jesus Christ...
yours truly,
ademos
as i was sweeping the doorway at work today i had a bit of an epiphany as to what i may reply next time someone rants about the holes in my ears. i thought of my grandfather who hasnt said anything about them but is bound to eventually. he has had the same haircut for 50ish years, that requires a bit of commitment, to sport a short conservative dew for that long you must have at one point or another decided "hey i like this and its gonne be here for a while!" i decided to make the small holes in my ears big, i am willing and happy to deal with whatever consequences they bring. "Do you know what those are gonna look like in 30yrs?" yes i do "do you know what your beautiful cadillac is going to look like in 30 yrs, i didnt spend $25k on my ears thanks." i also thought about how cool its going to be to be an old dad with plugs, a grandpa even. i wasnt so sure about the whole piercing thing at first but i really really like them now. i also think that Zero is a good size. i may go to DblZero but i doubt any farther.
haha as i was driving home from work i was thinking how funny emo songs are so i started singing, and this came out. the first 2 lines anyway.
you threw my words that did not matter,
like the blood that has just splattered,
from my heart thats beating slow
like a child with stunted growth
chorus
i hear the sounds of what you said,
it echoed through my acheing head
on and on you go, hiding all you broke.
...i cant think of any more...haha this was inspired by ian burke and his gracious triumphs at EMOtional literature.
tomorrow megan krantz will be playing at the Den as us employees fondly refer to it as...i feel a bit odd doing that but i suppose i should start. the closes are getting a bit boring, i should really start trying to connect with those old gals, mary and becky. the latter of the 2 is easier to get along with. mary is set in her ways and is right, always. she also knows how to do everything the right way which is often the annoying way.
11days strong, the battle is nearly half done and the animals are left uneaten. its sad that they have to die and not be eaten. one less person eating meat means one more piece of steak that will be thrown into the trash. im sorry dead cows and chickens, i will consume you soon.
i got a highly unexpected call today. hesistant i returned it, i dont know what to think or feel, i am consumed with doubt, wavering emotions and questions that will find no answers. God it is far too easy to say it is in your hands because your hands are the application of your will. i almost find it absurd to say that "if its gods wil..." however you finish that...i think that God has intrusted us with great responsibility by allowing us to make decisions that will better or make worse the lives we live and the world we live them in. is there someone out there that God has chosen for me? i dont think there is, i think that he gave me the capacity for wisdom and discernment which if harnessed and applied will yield me someone who meets Gods will for my life...at the same time i believe that he is the beginning and end, all knowing and omnipotent.
i will write more tomorrow, before the late hrs of the wee night. wow its almost 1, it seems so early
i drew this picture probably about a year ago. its one of my favorites. when drawing i never start out with the notion hey im gonna draw a choo chooo train or hmmm im gonna draw a goofy clown man...no. i start drawing and it takes shape magically. its freeing i suppose, from what i dont know. this particular one took the shape of a vietnam veteran. hes in his late 40's and has very little to his name, the street is his home and the coin just became his. His tattoo, the one on his left arm is the xi-rho (greek letters overlayed) they were used by Constantine in rome as a symbol for Jesus Christ...
yours truly,
ademos
less than emo. I dont like cliche's. call it what you will.
i dont want to give up,
i dont wanna lose.
if driving those tired hours one more time would change something, i would do it in a heart beat.
i dont want to give you up,
i dont want to lose you.
if driving those anxious hours one more time would make a difference, i would drive them now.
i dont mind being hopefull,
even if i've lost you.
so unimaginably frustrated am i. alienation of your dearest, nearest family. have we become a memory. are we roads you've grown too tired to walk near, on. granted many love, but we have loved more true and desire to never abandon you. something you cant say for the 7-8-25...100 others that knock on your door each night and leave you colder than before. i almost feel i cant be bitter, that requires a formal taste. something you pretend you never gave.
--------do not show distaste on my account. please.
the seclusion of narrow thoughts is something that i dont fear. if someone sees my words and calls them angry i cant disagree. one must realize however that it is a flash in a pan, i refuse to lead my life with emotions that (if nurtured) turn my eyes from Christ. anger is not wrong, frustration is not wrong. the time spent brewing those emotional releases is wrong if it excedes love.
farewell,
adam
i dont wanna lose.
if driving those tired hours one more time would change something, i would do it in a heart beat.
i dont want to give you up,
i dont want to lose you.
if driving those anxious hours one more time would make a difference, i would drive them now.
i dont mind being hopefull,
even if i've lost you.
so unimaginably frustrated am i. alienation of your dearest, nearest family. have we become a memory. are we roads you've grown too tired to walk near, on. granted many love, but we have loved more true and desire to never abandon you. something you cant say for the 7-8-25...100 others that knock on your door each night and leave you colder than before. i almost feel i cant be bitter, that requires a formal taste. something you pretend you never gave.
--------do not show distaste on my account. please.
the seclusion of narrow thoughts is something that i dont fear. if someone sees my words and calls them angry i cant disagree. one must realize however that it is a flash in a pan, i refuse to lead my life with emotions that (if nurtured) turn my eyes from Christ. anger is not wrong, frustration is not wrong. the time spent brewing those emotional releases is wrong if it excedes love.
farewell,
adam
13.12.04
Did you think that it would cradle you until you were asleep forever...did you, did you, did you?
i dunno how to start this.
i worked a lot today and during that 8hr span i thought and wrote a lot. every time i had an cool thought or grand ol idea(r) id throw some ink on a scratch piece o paper which was wadded and rewadded over and over and over again into my back pocket.
POEM-i'm no simpleton although im rather plain
and if a horn would blow id leave this simple place
when that sharpness finds my ear by wind, by voice or wire
a disconnect of life i had will plainly light new fire.
PROSE-im no simpleton, despite my plain appearance. i listen and i wait. ive been a impatient, irresponsible tool. if a horn would blow i would leave this place but until then i will not sleep. yes, the past weeks i have been deep in rest but i say again now, i will not sleep. if the guards of a kingdoms coastline were to leave their vital post would the tower holding their king remain a royal place? no so i must sleep no more. defending, armed and alert. holding fast to my mission which is my only means.
why does anger and frustration mount so quickly?
in a fit of emotional rage, discontent i suddenly want to punch the wall. is this anger justified, is it right?
my hand isnt broken and no walls have been harmed so i think we're good.
i say im sorry when its not my fault: aquiesce
i halt my thoughts when i should impress: digress
close my eyes when i should stare: ignorance
zip my lips when i should squeel: unsure
it just dawned on me how .cool.special.amazing.encouraging. the night i saw mewithoutYou was. not only did i get to drive the lead singer of my favorite band around seattle but i got to drive my human encouragement to write words around in my van. thank you lord for that small gift that is so huge to me. i allowed lesser circumstances prevent me from realizing the encouragement that was to be had. thank you lord that now, 3 weeks after the event i am as encouraged as i could have been at that moment. forgive me father for not seeing it then, allowing the imperfect (just as i) to ruin the perfect situation you provided. only for a while that is.
we are all a lot like bedrooms...if your bedroom is anything like mine.
when it is clean, it seems it is soooo easy to make it a mess. if you forget to keep it in order, forget to do certain things like laundry, it quicly becomes a disaster. if i forget to maintain my relationship with my God my life quicly loses its meaning and i become a disaster.
Your mercies oh lord are sufficient and my praise is less than enough. im glad you see it with different eyes because in me you see attempts and that is enough. if i try and fail you allow a second a third. you are God and you are constant.
amen
peace and hairgrease,
adam
(i took the picture at 5 in the morning while at a jrhigh retreat in canada this summer)
i worked a lot today and during that 8hr span i thought and wrote a lot. every time i had an cool thought or grand ol idea(r) id throw some ink on a scratch piece o paper which was wadded and rewadded over and over and over again into my back pocket.
POEM-i'm no simpleton although im rather plain
and if a horn would blow id leave this simple place
when that sharpness finds my ear by wind, by voice or wire
a disconnect of life i had will plainly light new fire.
PROSE-im no simpleton, despite my plain appearance. i listen and i wait. ive been a impatient, irresponsible tool. if a horn would blow i would leave this place but until then i will not sleep. yes, the past weeks i have been deep in rest but i say again now, i will not sleep. if the guards of a kingdoms coastline were to leave their vital post would the tower holding their king remain a royal place? no so i must sleep no more. defending, armed and alert. holding fast to my mission which is my only means.
why does anger and frustration mount so quickly?
in a fit of emotional rage, discontent i suddenly want to punch the wall. is this anger justified, is it right?
my hand isnt broken and no walls have been harmed so i think we're good.
i say im sorry when its not my fault: aquiesce
i halt my thoughts when i should impress: digress
close my eyes when i should stare: ignorance
zip my lips when i should squeel: unsure
it just dawned on me how .cool.special.amazing.encouraging. the night i saw mewithoutYou was. not only did i get to drive the lead singer of my favorite band around seattle but i got to drive my human encouragement to write words around in my van. thank you lord for that small gift that is so huge to me. i allowed lesser circumstances prevent me from realizing the encouragement that was to be had. thank you lord that now, 3 weeks after the event i am as encouraged as i could have been at that moment. forgive me father for not seeing it then, allowing the imperfect (just as i) to ruin the perfect situation you provided. only for a while that is.
we are all a lot like bedrooms...if your bedroom is anything like mine.
when it is clean, it seems it is soooo easy to make it a mess. if you forget to keep it in order, forget to do certain things like laundry, it quicly becomes a disaster. if i forget to maintain my relationship with my God my life quicly loses its meaning and i become a disaster.
Your mercies oh lord are sufficient and my praise is less than enough. im glad you see it with different eyes because in me you see attempts and that is enough. if i try and fail you allow a second a third. you are God and you are constant.
amen
peace and hairgrease,
adam
(i took the picture at 5 in the morning while at a jrhigh retreat in canada this summer)
12.12.04
stagnant hearts
its hard to focus when there is such commotion, the c0nsistent bother proves to slow my mind. im here watching harry potter 3. good movie but its hard to convey my thoughts correctly with discussion of broom and witch in the air.
friday i drove up to Mtn Springs Lodge where the RIM (fmr hs group) goes every year for a retreat. i dont know why i went aside from small amounts of pressure from joey and dono. to say very little, my experience there was less than comfortable. i felt sooooo out of place, wishing i had stayed home. donovan and i had fun together but the times i found myself alone in the crowd of high schoolers was....
i have to wake up in 6hrs
i went to wenatchee today. i feel so at home there its odd, more so than i do anywhere. (thank you)
short read
she reads a few pages here and there, a few. just enough to get a feel for the main character and to witness mild situations that call for a trace of emotional response. at first enthralled, captivated even by the personality of this central figure she soon loses taste and all connective thought. so many pages not quite enough time, into the wind with further reading. im a book well-written but left unfinished. maybe one day this fair-excuse will find time to pick up where she left off. i'll be here while you're at the library looking for your next "read."
i like the idea but i dont like the way it came out. no excuses just frustration with my writing.
farewell,
adam
friday i drove up to Mtn Springs Lodge where the RIM (fmr hs group) goes every year for a retreat. i dont know why i went aside from small amounts of pressure from joey and dono. to say very little, my experience there was less than comfortable. i felt sooooo out of place, wishing i had stayed home. donovan and i had fun together but the times i found myself alone in the crowd of high schoolers was....
i have to wake up in 6hrs
i went to wenatchee today. i feel so at home there its odd, more so than i do anywhere. (thank you)
short read
she reads a few pages here and there, a few. just enough to get a feel for the main character and to witness mild situations that call for a trace of emotional response. at first enthralled, captivated even by the personality of this central figure she soon loses taste and all connective thought. so many pages not quite enough time, into the wind with further reading. im a book well-written but left unfinished. maybe one day this fair-excuse will find time to pick up where she left off. i'll be here while you're at the library looking for your next "read."
i like the idea but i dont like the way it came out. no excuses just frustration with my writing.
farewell,
adam
8.12.04
its late and i have FINALLY discovered how to post pictures. it has taken me more than an hour to find a good place to host them and the glorious ease by which PHOTOBUCKET allows one to do so makes me oh so happy oh so gay. im listenin to crash rickshaw. this picture is of me swingin from a tree that was in our backyard in south africa. i am superman, no joke. the house that holds the yard that holds the tree that holds my 4yr old self is one of the earliest homes i recall. this tree is the one my brother seemed to climb with such ease, he being 2yrs older than me was not a reasonable conclusion to my inability to reach his highest branch. i still own the scar on my knee from a fall. he climbed high enough to see into a robins nest, i never saw those shells... it was the home that was left when my parents marriage exploded, its the home that saw a robbery leaving our maid bound and gagged and my grandpa chasing the culprits with a mighty broom. a lot of my life is a blur but i still remember those pajamas well, i almost get chills thinking about stuff like that. the touch, smell, look of everything rushes back seeing this picture. to be innoncent again. above the entry gate to the house was a cloud of honey suckles, andre and i used to hang around the top of the huge iron gate sucking the necter...sesame seed candy reward was given by the neighbor who locked himself out of his house, luckily their was a 4yr old just small enough to wiggle his way through the bars of the mans fortress window...goodnight.
7.12.04
You have heard the blasphemy! What do you think?" And they all condemned Him to be deserving of death.
with emotions like a vapor,
our kindred hearts find little time.
passive seekers seek for voices to penetrate the sky.
walking streets of stone, does little to divide,
yourself from caves and darkness, the places where you hide.
scathing lips and deafened ears the price for own accord
active lies and hollow thought disdained by holy sword
hemled and clad by mortal sin, the weapon none can wield.
whelmed and glad by perfect kin, my Father's Son can shield.
i dont know if all that makes perfect sense to all but it does to me. our emotions cannot be our guidence because of their ability to disappear as a vapor. we all are in some way related, mankind...the little time is reference to how we as society get caught up in life. people are looking for answers but in a completely futile way, they stare at a dictionary hoping to be enlightened to the meaning of a simple word. its right there in front of them but they dont want to expell effort to find the answer. the lips and ears part is about how you seem to others as a result of leading a life consumed by sin and lust. your ears turn deaf to pure sounds. The lies and empty philosophy held can easily be destroyed by Gods sword of truth, his word is sharper than a double-edged sword. the power of sin has no hold that God cannot break, we cannot handle that weight so our Father sent his Son. The only one that can release the bond that sin posesses.
that was deeeply unpoetic, it almost tarnishes the poem but i will leave it for others sake.
3 days of meat free livin...goin strong.
im goin to hang out with folks from work tonight, we are gonna watch Elf. yessah, i dont know what to expect, they are all cool but i have not tread on that ground yet. blast, i cant find any of my beanies/hats...the one from england-gone, the furry one-gone, the carhart beanie-gone. ive resorted to wearing a half-sized RIM beanie, no good i tell ya, no good.
i felt like writing a lot last night but ended up scratching a few words that are mediocre at most. tofurkey would be rad.
Eloi you are mighty among the nations,
never given due credit but then again, your glory never depended on our praise.
it is constant and full, we worship your steadfast love and honest fire.
discredit my name to fulfill your own, crush my hardened soul and build a temple in its feeble stead. house my spirit in your arms defeat the names by which i protest.
Eloi (father)
our kindred hearts find little time.
passive seekers seek for voices to penetrate the sky.
walking streets of stone, does little to divide,
yourself from caves and darkness, the places where you hide.
scathing lips and deafened ears the price for own accord
active lies and hollow thought disdained by holy sword
hemled and clad by mortal sin, the weapon none can wield.
whelmed and glad by perfect kin, my Father's Son can shield.
i dont know if all that makes perfect sense to all but it does to me. our emotions cannot be our guidence because of their ability to disappear as a vapor. we all are in some way related, mankind...the little time is reference to how we as society get caught up in life. people are looking for answers but in a completely futile way, they stare at a dictionary hoping to be enlightened to the meaning of a simple word. its right there in front of them but they dont want to expell effort to find the answer. the lips and ears part is about how you seem to others as a result of leading a life consumed by sin and lust. your ears turn deaf to pure sounds. The lies and empty philosophy held can easily be destroyed by Gods sword of truth, his word is sharper than a double-edged sword. the power of sin has no hold that God cannot break, we cannot handle that weight so our Father sent his Son. The only one that can release the bond that sin posesses.
that was deeeply unpoetic, it almost tarnishes the poem but i will leave it for others sake.
3 days of meat free livin...goin strong.
im goin to hang out with folks from work tonight, we are gonna watch Elf. yessah, i dont know what to expect, they are all cool but i have not tread on that ground yet. blast, i cant find any of my beanies/hats...the one from england-gone, the furry one-gone, the carhart beanie-gone. ive resorted to wearing a half-sized RIM beanie, no good i tell ya, no good.
i felt like writing a lot last night but ended up scratching a few words that are mediocre at most. tofurkey would be rad.
Eloi you are mighty among the nations,
never given due credit but then again, your glory never depended on our praise.
it is constant and full, we worship your steadfast love and honest fire.
discredit my name to fulfill your own, crush my hardened soul and build a temple in its feeble stead. house my spirit in your arms defeat the names by which i protest.
Eloi (father)
5.12.04
Its a kick in the teeth, almost there. its on the tip of my tongue, and it never goes away.
(revised)
when you see a bright light shining as bright as a bright light would shine, the brightness of that particular light may be incredibly dim. It may even be dim enough to be classified as "out" although it assuredly and confidently sends forth the most miniscule rays and is capable of casting the softest shadows. this is the case in darkness, when you know a dying ember to be brilliant and blinding, it is just that. the smallest portion becomes the largest feast before a mighty hunger.
that took a while to put into words, its still not complete but in my mind it is reconciled. today i took a challenge... so im not eating meat for a month, this is gonna be hard but it can be done. not fore pleasure or to prove anything to anyone but for me. it was a challenge and i plan to meet (no pun intended) it.
dont ask me to leave all this, if you did i would.
and when i do, i fear i'll lose my "if" my "cant" my "should." (another dumb rhyme)
thats goin nowhere fast.
I really like dave matthews lately im listenin to warehouse (live) and its perty.
i shall write more tonight but for now im gonna go beat HALO II.
hi mom shap.
adam.
when you see a bright light shining as bright as a bright light would shine, the brightness of that particular light may be incredibly dim. It may even be dim enough to be classified as "out" although it assuredly and confidently sends forth the most miniscule rays and is capable of casting the softest shadows. this is the case in darkness, when you know a dying ember to be brilliant and blinding, it is just that. the smallest portion becomes the largest feast before a mighty hunger.
that took a while to put into words, its still not complete but in my mind it is reconciled. today i took a challenge... so im not eating meat for a month, this is gonna be hard but it can be done. not fore pleasure or to prove anything to anyone but for me. it was a challenge and i plan to meet (no pun intended) it.
dont ask me to leave all this, if you did i would.
and when i do, i fear i'll lose my "if" my "cant" my "should." (another dumb rhyme)
thats goin nowhere fast.
I really like dave matthews lately im listenin to warehouse (live) and its perty.
i shall write more tonight but for now im gonna go beat HALO II.
hi mom shap.
adam.
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