deviation from the plan

i feel as though i havent posted in weeks. i havent written for a while. until just recently, i wrote a letter to someone, it fulfilled that hour oath i have not kept lately. Now i wait and hope for the best, well anything but silence is the best in this case. it was a freeing hour, expulsion of thoughts that had been caged for weeks now. maybe it seemed as though i hadnt written for weeks because those ravenous words needed out. their desire to be heard was so strong that it made all other writing feel meaningless and far from acceptable.

i gave donovan his christmas present early, i wont see him on christmas so i figured another day early wont matter. in a justifying attempt i also add that it was the Dave Matthews Live @ the Gorge CD/DVD...im listenin to the latter half of the tracks right now. we watched the dvd earlier, they are such an amazing band. aaaaah thats what i wanted to do aside from sleep and read pointless news articles about things the world thought i may care about. Read some dmatt. lyrics...i wrote dmatt. because i thought dm may be too vague for all you readers...i also thought i should tell you that just incase you were wondering why i made the abbreviation for dave matthews too lone (dmatt.) i dont think you are dumb, i promise. the dvd is rad, i love his voice and their music as a whole is magical. i think that is the only way to describe it, pure magic. WOW that was close, i clicked on a link from a different page which nearly took this page to my desired destination...not good when you have written a fair ammount and you dont feel like bs-ing your way back to this point riiiiiiight

i put a link up there to my deviant art page...nothing too rad but it is, and will be forever more mine.

i went out to dinner with joey and tawnee tonight. im still on this whole vegetarian deal so no meat for adam. this was not so great cos we went to Claim Jumper and all 3 of my friends, joey, tawnee, donovan got steak. i was surrounded and tempted beyond all forsight i may have had to give up! tawnee ate only half of her $20 juicy, medium rare slab of cow rear! i almost grabbed it off her plate and savored its goodness. 14days remain. JAN 6th will be my feast.
there is good that is coming out of this. Those with an affinity for meat, steak in particular have
a steakometer. it runs from 1-10 judging their affection for the red joy, most are at a 6-7. there are a few, as i was who are at a 9-10 level. joey is also at that level. mine is growing, i am forever expanding my steakometer. by the final day of this torture mine will be on a 1-17 scale, the joy i have in eating steak will far ourweigh any others. the juicyness and flavor of that dead animal will fill my life with satisfaction as no steak has before. crap ive gotta talk about something more, im jonesing for it!

Our hands are hardly touching,
im sorry thats my fault.
i went for a walk with another today,
i hated it so much,
my sorrowfull words will not express my fault.
if only one thing was accomplised it was the rope that was tied.
only to scare me of course,
a well achieved goal to parylize me with fear and regret.
tie that noose around my kneck,
bound my wrists with rope that cuts.

Your rebuttel is of higher weight.
with righteouss light you cut my bonds.
i have sin, truth has found me
you have my sin, truth is in me.
take from me my life.
(i ended that quickly, the heart is there but the words dont express it well enough. i will never be pleased.)

farewell andmyfeetarecold,
adam