clearing of the mind and throat.

just gettin off work i can never rationalize with the facts. i have to be awake in 4 and a half hours. i am never refreshed after i sleep, its wierd i always feel i can sleep more and more and more...i have to force myself to wake so i dont wast hours i think i may use wisely. on the drive home i was thinkin about stuff i want to write about. i came to the tireing conclusion that i have so many things i feel i need to express that it would take hours to begin. so many perpectives of what was and what may have been if all had not been purposefully forgotten. i dont forget, i dont think i could. i havent cried in so long but when i think about recent occurences and disappointments i get that sudden swell of emotion. i dont cry, i dont think i could but my emotions almost force tears to my eyes. "im far to strong for that kind of thing."

haha im pathetic, i often think i have everything figured out and everyone around me is deaf and dumb to life and what it holds. in some way that may be true, what if i am the only one that truly knows, enlightened more than the rest? dont be offended, i havent finished. this mentallity may be relative to us all, we all may have this sense within us that tells us we are more intelligible than the masses. not only relative in the sense that we all have it but that it is true. all are wise to their own schemes and adherence to the rules of this universe. i lost my train of thougt (dream theater) and i dont think its coming back...hmm next topic.

i remember the last time i cried, late one night in my van almost 2 months ago. i punched the roof in a split second of anger. holding an incredible, fond memory and being the first instance of a road i wish i didnt have to travel.

i worked tonight, consecutive closes. i did the same last night. Hollis Brown and some other guy played tonight. they brought quite an impressive crowd, in purchase and in numbers. they were okay but i mostly listened to music in the back while cleaning and doing dishes which could go under the category of cleaning but then i wouldnt have 2 things to include in that sentence making it more complete and eventually run on as i attempt to make it make more sense to those who i think may read this...hhhhhhuuuuuuuuubreath.

never would she sleep, desires running as a stream that would not freeze. her nimble fingers sewn to the sky begging for a sign. from who or what she never knew, each night a fresh prayer, every word a solemn, inadequate swear. "never more" she cried this night "never more." "clasped within this hinged hold, a heart of stone has kept me cold"
"Eloi, oh father make anew, mend this child who's breaking through!"
In this moment the clouds awoke, the calm was now a storm. flashes in the mist gave way to fear to end all fright. Terrified and broken she threw herself to the ground, attempting to shield the stone that filled the void. she heard the thunder felt the winds but all around was calm. inside this child a beat began, driven by the storm.

by adam demos and abi copple.

my ear piercings -if you want to call them that anymore- are gettin bigger still. 3/8-4/8ths of an inch. a little more and im done. its odd how perspectives change with time and ....i wrote about this a week or so ago..the ones i have in my ears right now used to look HUUUUGE, now they look small.

and now i sleep and wake up in 3 hrs for church. wooo hoooooooo. sundays are becoming the nap day of nap days...later all.
adam