i go through seasons of thought. there are far more than four, hundreds every year. each ushered in by things around me, work, friends... these things require an emotional response and in that response a season is held. as that season fades so does the initial, familiar feeling that made that part of my life so unique. this is pointless rambling.
its almost like she died. no prolonged goodbyes or fading whispers it was a vanishing. memories remain but retold in my mind they bring a sharp pain. no, not death more like she never was. that makes more sense since the images fade quickly as if they never were. another flash of distaste comes upon me, i want to scream with chords unheard. punching the keyboard, rattling fists of words may make more of an impact and serve to capture this in a more real way. i dont want to believe it was in my mind, that joy and all that comes with it was all a myth. that i was the chosen victim of some practical joke my mind has found hillarious. right now i have no choice, tomorrow will be different because i will remember a smile or something more real like laughter, a reaction to me.
im totally not emo-more honestly reflective than anything. life is so rad but i find it important to write these snapshots. no, i dont know why.
i sleep to need.
adam
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2 comments:
it's laura.
you're my brother and i don't want you to hurt on account of her anymore. she's not worth that attention.
i really like what you write about. you show feelings and experiences i've been through and you help me make sense of them too. thanks.
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