lock my arms i dont want to move!

i love the new blindside cd...there is a lot of...how you say? blood in it...and fear

the song FELL IN LOVE WITH THE GAME
You take me by the hand and I grab You by the throat
And we come crashing down through the window
On the dirt ground below
And we wrestle in the mud and the blood and the beer
Break my jaw I don’t care
Just stay with me, stay

Lock my arms I don’t want to move
Hold me still teach me how to weep
If it’s ok with You I think I’ll stay here
For a little while

wrestling with God is part of being human. he created us, we drove ourselves to ruin and were ruined. he offers blood. whether we choose the blood-or not, we fight, it is a lifelong experience and practice. i just really like the description christian gives in this song of his wrestlings with god.

the part that sticks out right now is the line "hold me still teach me how to weep"
its shotgun of a statement! we are always wanting to twist and run and squirm and...move. the verse in matthew comes to mind-I played the flute for you but you did not dance, i sang a song of lament but you did not mourn. it has very little to do with that verse but i think we in america fail in every way to experience compassion, remorse, we fail to "weep" for others. i really dont know how to explain myself right now in words but it burns and i have the same prayer (if that was his intention behind these words and they are not merely words.)

God hold me still and teach me how to weep, give me a compassion and honesty and help me bleed.

i got out of work so quickly tonight. we close at 10:30...jody and i finished up and left at 10:23...terrible day for money at the LD.

The rich and poor have this in common, the Lord is the Maker of them all.
Proverbs 22:2

You give and i take, i give and you bless.
unselfish.
Its odd to me that God knows my entire being, it is also important i find that i tell him what he knows about me as if he knew nothing at all, this is for my sake and his magnification i guess.


here are pictures of the table paintings abi and i have done so far. the frist is a japanese wave, the second of 3 nigerians dressed to impress.



in love and hope,
a-dawg

i wont wrestle no more.

wow.
thank you for grace Lord and that your promises are true and that you are my GOD and there are so many "and's" i cant begin or end to explain You, how big you are and how you work in so many small situations and...thank you.

*written at worque*

I think i am bound. that there is a life contract set by situation and involvement. a bounty for our words.

i tell and have told my self that i want to live "a life worth writing about/worth reading about"

i want children and adults with the joy of children to grab my wrists and sit me down to tell them stories they've heard before. its not that i want to be needed (well maybe a little bit but thats part of being human) but a burning i NEED to fulfill and fuel.

more within a week or so...i promise...yes is yes.
adam

eloi eloi

to be filled with awe and wonder.
i was listening to the bible answer man on the way home, he had a special guest. i dont remember this fellows name but i liked him. he explained things well and held many of the same opinions and stood many of the same stances i take on the christian life and walk. i liked him for that reason i guess. he was honest and candid and you dont get that much. its a pity we mostly like people who hold a fork like we do.

i want to be filled with awe and wonder and i dont want that to be connected with my emotions i want the awe to be rooted and wonder to be sustained.

God reveal yourself to me in a new way.
i feel like my soul is ready to explode into colors i havent seen before, i'm ready father. oh eloi im waiting on the crumbs from your table.

adam

blah balh bhal

"lord undo me"-
how then are we undone? such a desire is felt at least once in the life of Christian. After the death of a love one, knowing nothing will return them to you; After being disappointed by someone you thought could never fail. These instances of being undone are brought through circumstancesand are not based solely on the reflection of who we are at our worst. When _______ asks to be undon, he is asking for the Potter out of anger, and frustration to drestroy His creation. Because of its uselessness and fractures he asks, no, begs to be thrown at the wall and made dust. Returning to the state of previous to creation, and not necessarily desiring to be recreated or made new. To find an end.



Oh to begin again. When you've begun to end your life because it now seems a bit less than worthless.(i love the smell of cigarettes from about 20ft away, they seem to lpse a bit of the toxicity and take on a more pleasing smell. The only thing you can do is begin again. That point in life holds so much beauty.

i want an ink well and quill, i'd write much and then seal the letters with red wax.

xxiburubixx

Another few weeks have passed since I last used you/this/it.
another few weeks since I posted my thoughts.
this time I'm really going to try and be better about posting, being consistent in something. I have been very inconsistent in my life all around these days so this being no exception should not surprise me/you/it.

moving pieces on a rubix-cube
none stay put, I'll never get through.
when I find out why I move,
I'll begin to be still, I'll kick off my shoes.
since red's turned blue and yellow's white
my ups become down my evil is right!

patterns of ignorance and my slowing speech
bring me to a place where I no longer need.
You, You, You.

(writing from experience, something we have all had and felt.)

catchy eh.

I've a wonderful friend.
she is wonderful.
shes my friend.
I have a friend who is wonderful.

Grood Night.
aedum