today was most cool. i was lazy in the beginning. having watched i-Robot then gladiator took it out of me. in the course of the day i started cleaning our room, made a ninja action figure look way cooler than the manufacturer had intended(with the help of a sharpie) then went for a run. oi the run was hard but worth it in the loong run-ba doom cha-went to bible study tonight. it was a really good night with the guys. its usually hit and miss but my attitude going into it served to make it worthwhile and to make God more of a priority....this has all been rather scatterebrained, my apologies.
its as if a weight has been lifted, a looming question answered and wrong righted. your mercies oh father lift my heart "perfect love" now sings my soul.
I need to get more of a focus on my life. not lacking control but nearing that point.
i hung out with josh a bit tonight, he is encouraging to talk to when we actually talk. the smaller version of conversation sucks. donovan and i gnabbed a chair that was formerly used in a salon, ya know the one with the salad bowl thing that goes over yer head to dry the hair. its sitting in our garage till his parents make us move it.
prayer:
-preparation for my venture into the world.
-consistency in relationship with my wonderfull maker.
-become a man of prayer and thanksgiving.
-better maintain relatinoships with family/friends/friamily.
-eat gooder. exercise morer.
25.1.05
i cant say it like i sing it and i cant sing it like i...
i havent written in a while it seems. not empty just uninspired. today was heading south, boring with a few speedbumps. 4:30 comes and the days becomes wonderfully wonderfull. restoration is sweet, honey is no match for its sweetness. God (three small, empty letters cant embody your love, life, judgement, righteousness, glory, beauty, provision and care for my torrid soul) of all that is, you satisfy my thirst and paining hunger in this you are magnified. a heart is no match for your ever mending ways and for this i am glad in you.
there is a posibility i may be moving to a different coffee shop. if...higher pay and more hours are in the deal. if i am able to save 300 dollars every month that would be amazine. june comes quickly.
has truth defied me too?
a coat hangs over the wicker chairs left shoulder.
stay if you will.
the ceilings yellow paint discusses my nose with feigning innoncence!
climactic, the penguins taunting quip cuts me deep.
sincerely i return, to you, to me. from now, to them.
buffalo bill will not come home.
huh? all seriousness dissolved to hillarity. bye.
adam
there is a posibility i may be moving to a different coffee shop. if...higher pay and more hours are in the deal. if i am able to save 300 dollars every month that would be amazine. june comes quickly.
has truth defied me too?
a coat hangs over the wicker chairs left shoulder.
stay if you will.
the ceilings yellow paint discusses my nose with feigning innoncence!
climactic, the penguins taunting quip cuts me deep.
sincerely i return, to you, to me. from now, to them.
buffalo bill will not come home.
huh? all seriousness dissolved to hillarity. bye.
adam
21.1.05
an irresistable itch, i want to write something that inspires but all i have is this drabble. its late and i should be sleeping but i dont do much of that lately. im listening to damien rice~O. such an amazing cd. i love his voice, songwriting, sense of innoncene and honesty. on the cd there is a woman bkg vocalist, i love her voice to as high a degree as i love the cd, a lot.
i watched The Village last night after josh left. its a really cool movie, the parts you think are poorly acted or written are in the end so perfect. the ending was not at all what i was expecting and that left me pleasently suprised. i am so amazed that someone didnt spoil it for me in the months it took to go from theater to video to my viewing pleasure. thank you all for not ruining a good movie.
"we can only move toward hope in this place" william hurts character says of the bubble the townspeople live in. that is so true on a personal level. wherever you are at the only way the teeter can totter is toward hope because we are all so bankrupt of this quality. hope of betterment through a perfect remedy who is our Lord and Father, Jesus Christ.
Seeing Joaquin Phoenix in the movie made me really want to see Gladiator again, he is a rad actor and the more work he does the better because every glance he makes seems to be worth our attention. hes got some true quality about him, one that requires my ear to listen. there are few with such a hold.
im recycling a conversations material and being glad the one i talked with saved a morsel of it. i wish i had saved that whole conversation, for it was a good one.
i am convinced of this, that our dreams are what we are created for. not the empty 5year old ones of being an astronaut or ballerina but the dreams that beckon us to fulfill them. the ones we fear to try for because they seem so far and so difficult to achieve. the ones we shug off as being a childish glance at what could have been if powers greater than us would only have granted them. we have created with our our of the gate failure a world of dreams and nothing more. because so many before us have left their aspirations out of reach we too befall the terrible tendency of ignoring that inner yearn. i rarely complete thoughts, my scapegoat is the time.
adam
i watched The Village last night after josh left. its a really cool movie, the parts you think are poorly acted or written are in the end so perfect. the ending was not at all what i was expecting and that left me pleasently suprised. i am so amazed that someone didnt spoil it for me in the months it took to go from theater to video to my viewing pleasure. thank you all for not ruining a good movie.
"we can only move toward hope in this place" william hurts character says of the bubble the townspeople live in. that is so true on a personal level. wherever you are at the only way the teeter can totter is toward hope because we are all so bankrupt of this quality. hope of betterment through a perfect remedy who is our Lord and Father, Jesus Christ.
Seeing Joaquin Phoenix in the movie made me really want to see Gladiator again, he is a rad actor and the more work he does the better because every glance he makes seems to be worth our attention. hes got some true quality about him, one that requires my ear to listen. there are few with such a hold.
im recycling a conversations material and being glad the one i talked with saved a morsel of it. i wish i had saved that whole conversation, for it was a good one.
i am convinced of this, that our dreams are what we are created for. not the empty 5year old ones of being an astronaut or ballerina but the dreams that beckon us to fulfill them. the ones we fear to try for because they seem so far and so difficult to achieve. the ones we shug off as being a childish glance at what could have been if powers greater than us would only have granted them. we have created with our our of the gate failure a world of dreams and nothing more. because so many before us have left their aspirations out of reach we too befall the terrible tendency of ignoring that inner yearn. i rarely complete thoughts, my scapegoat is the time.
adam
18.1.05
Against My Better Judgement
my goodness, the adventure life demands and the way we fail it. i will not fail it.
i still expect nothing but... ive spent so much time trying to neglect every notion that sucha familiar sound now escapes me just as OJ fled the police...but they caught him didnt they?
why do i feel like ive done something wrong? if anything ive avoided and trulu defeated sin a number of times recently.
this weekend wasnt what i expected it to have been but...NO BUT!!! i got to hang out with a rad friends whom i rarely see (some less than others) and for short periods of time the web of pals was one.
Anticipation, an odd accompanyment to my already mixed emotions. they are anything but polar opposites while all finding origin in disappointment and anothers failings. Relief, reluctance, sorrow and betrayal, just a few of the myriad of discussions my mind has recently undertaken.
God help me wrap my mind around what you have for me. this almost seems like running, is it toward or away from righteousness?
aaaaahh i nearly forgot, the holes in my ears have reached 1/2inch, there they will stay. the right one hurts a bit as the stretch from 3/8ths to the full half was a big one. goodnight
i still expect nothing but... ive spent so much time trying to neglect every notion that sucha familiar sound now escapes me just as OJ fled the police...but they caught him didnt they?
why do i feel like ive done something wrong? if anything ive avoided and trulu defeated sin a number of times recently.
this weekend wasnt what i expected it to have been but...NO BUT!!! i got to hang out with a rad friends whom i rarely see (some less than others) and for short periods of time the web of pals was one.
Anticipation, an odd accompanyment to my already mixed emotions. they are anything but polar opposites while all finding origin in disappointment and anothers failings. Relief, reluctance, sorrow and betrayal, just a few of the myriad of discussions my mind has recently undertaken.
God help me wrap my mind around what you have for me. this almost seems like running, is it toward or away from righteousness?
aaaaahh i nearly forgot, the holes in my ears have reached 1/2inch, there they will stay. the right one hurts a bit as the stretch from 3/8ths to the full half was a big one. goodnight
13.1.05
I wont dance, you cant make me!
i go through seasons of thought. there are far more than four, hundreds every year. each ushered in by things around me, work, friends... these things require an emotional response and in that response a season is held. as that season fades so does the initial, familiar feeling that made that part of my life so unique. this is pointless rambling.
its almost like she died. no prolonged goodbyes or fading whispers it was a vanishing. memories remain but retold in my mind they bring a sharp pain. no, not death more like she never was. that makes more sense since the images fade quickly as if they never were. another flash of distaste comes upon me, i want to scream with chords unheard. punching the keyboard, rattling fists of words may make more of an impact and serve to capture this in a more real way. i dont want to believe it was in my mind, that joy and all that comes with it was all a myth. that i was the chosen victim of some practical joke my mind has found hillarious. right now i have no choice, tomorrow will be different because i will remember a smile or something more real like laughter, a reaction to me.
im totally not emo-more honestly reflective than anything. life is so rad but i find it important to write these snapshots. no, i dont know why.
i sleep to need.
adam
its almost like she died. no prolonged goodbyes or fading whispers it was a vanishing. memories remain but retold in my mind they bring a sharp pain. no, not death more like she never was. that makes more sense since the images fade quickly as if they never were. another flash of distaste comes upon me, i want to scream with chords unheard. punching the keyboard, rattling fists of words may make more of an impact and serve to capture this in a more real way. i dont want to believe it was in my mind, that joy and all that comes with it was all a myth. that i was the chosen victim of some practical joke my mind has found hillarious. right now i have no choice, tomorrow will be different because i will remember a smile or something more real like laughter, a reaction to me.
im totally not emo-more honestly reflective than anything. life is so rad but i find it important to write these snapshots. no, i dont know why.
i sleep to need.
adam
9.1.05
clearing of the mind and throat.
just gettin off work i can never rationalize with the facts. i have to be awake in 4 and a half hours. i am never refreshed after i sleep, its wierd i always feel i can sleep more and more and more...i have to force myself to wake so i dont wast hours i think i may use wisely. on the drive home i was thinkin about stuff i want to write about. i came to the tireing conclusion that i have so many things i feel i need to express that it would take hours to begin. so many perpectives of what was and what may have been if all had not been purposefully forgotten. i dont forget, i dont think i could. i havent cried in so long but when i think about recent occurences and disappointments i get that sudden swell of emotion. i dont cry, i dont think i could but my emotions almost force tears to my eyes. "im far to strong for that kind of thing."
haha im pathetic, i often think i have everything figured out and everyone around me is deaf and dumb to life and what it holds. in some way that may be true, what if i am the only one that truly knows, enlightened more than the rest? dont be offended, i havent finished. this mentallity may be relative to us all, we all may have this sense within us that tells us we are more intelligible than the masses. not only relative in the sense that we all have it but that it is true. all are wise to their own schemes and adherence to the rules of this universe. i lost my train of thougt (dream theater) and i dont think its coming back...hmm next topic.
i remember the last time i cried, late one night in my van almost 2 months ago. i punched the roof in a split second of anger. holding an incredible, fond memory and being the first instance of a road i wish i didnt have to travel.
i worked tonight, consecutive closes. i did the same last night. Hollis Brown and some other guy played tonight. they brought quite an impressive crowd, in purchase and in numbers. they were okay but i mostly listened to music in the back while cleaning and doing dishes which could go under the category of cleaning but then i wouldnt have 2 things to include in that sentence making it more complete and eventually run on as i attempt to make it make more sense to those who i think may read this...hhhhhhuuuuuuuuubreath.
never would she sleep, desires running as a stream that would not freeze. her nimble fingers sewn to the sky begging for a sign. from who or what she never knew, each night a fresh prayer, every word a solemn, inadequate swear. "never more" she cried this night "never more." "clasped within this hinged hold, a heart of stone has kept me cold"
"Eloi, oh father make anew, mend this child who's breaking through!"
In this moment the clouds awoke, the calm was now a storm. flashes in the mist gave way to fear to end all fright. Terrified and broken she threw herself to the ground, attempting to shield the stone that filled the void. she heard the thunder felt the winds but all around was calm. inside this child a beat began, driven by the storm.
by adam demos and abi copple.
my ear piercings -if you want to call them that anymore- are gettin bigger still. 3/8-4/8ths of an inch. a little more and im done. its odd how perspectives change with time and ....i wrote about this a week or so ago..the ones i have in my ears right now used to look HUUUUGE, now they look small.
and now i sleep and wake up in 3 hrs for church. wooo hoooooooo. sundays are becoming the nap day of nap days...later all.
adam
haha im pathetic, i often think i have everything figured out and everyone around me is deaf and dumb to life and what it holds. in some way that may be true, what if i am the only one that truly knows, enlightened more than the rest? dont be offended, i havent finished. this mentallity may be relative to us all, we all may have this sense within us that tells us we are more intelligible than the masses. not only relative in the sense that we all have it but that it is true. all are wise to their own schemes and adherence to the rules of this universe. i lost my train of thougt (dream theater) and i dont think its coming back...hmm next topic.
i remember the last time i cried, late one night in my van almost 2 months ago. i punched the roof in a split second of anger. holding an incredible, fond memory and being the first instance of a road i wish i didnt have to travel.
i worked tonight, consecutive closes. i did the same last night. Hollis Brown and some other guy played tonight. they brought quite an impressive crowd, in purchase and in numbers. they were okay but i mostly listened to music in the back while cleaning and doing dishes which could go under the category of cleaning but then i wouldnt have 2 things to include in that sentence making it more complete and eventually run on as i attempt to make it make more sense to those who i think may read this...hhhhhhuuuuuuuuubreath.
never would she sleep, desires running as a stream that would not freeze. her nimble fingers sewn to the sky begging for a sign. from who or what she never knew, each night a fresh prayer, every word a solemn, inadequate swear. "never more" she cried this night "never more." "clasped within this hinged hold, a heart of stone has kept me cold"
"Eloi, oh father make anew, mend this child who's breaking through!"
In this moment the clouds awoke, the calm was now a storm. flashes in the mist gave way to fear to end all fright. Terrified and broken she threw herself to the ground, attempting to shield the stone that filled the void. she heard the thunder felt the winds but all around was calm. inside this child a beat began, driven by the storm.
by adam demos and abi copple.
my ear piercings -if you want to call them that anymore- are gettin bigger still. 3/8-4/8ths of an inch. a little more and im done. its odd how perspectives change with time and ....i wrote about this a week or so ago..the ones i have in my ears right now used to look HUUUUGE, now they look small.
and now i sleep and wake up in 3 hrs for church. wooo hoooooooo. sundays are becoming the nap day of nap days...later all.
adam
5.1.05
hymnal
i was singin hymns in the shower and decided i'd write one myself...
If I could lift my voice to sing of thy righteousness
My song would be upon thy Son, sung from angel’s lips
Until this day that honors due, my heart shall bend to thee
Forgiven slave and purged from sin still I bend my knee.
Fainter still will my heart grow before I set on Love
Withering in shadows cast, bring light from high above.
Oh mighty and unending Love bring light from high above
Disdained this world has seen your kin,
He paid a mighty cost,
born and bled for life alas we count all gain as loss.
it came pretty easy but i dont know how to make a melody so its just words...for now.
adam(i dont know why i sign it, this is MY blog)
If I could lift my voice to sing of thy righteousness
My song would be upon thy Son, sung from angel’s lips
Until this day that honors due, my heart shall bend to thee
Forgiven slave and purged from sin still I bend my knee.
Fainter still will my heart grow before I set on Love
Withering in shadows cast, bring light from high above.
Oh mighty and unending Love bring light from high above
Disdained this world has seen your kin,
He paid a mighty cost,
born and bled for life alas we count all gain as loss.
it came pretty easy but i dont know how to make a melody so its just words...for now.
adam(i dont know why i sign it, this is MY blog)
your land is gone and has been given to me.
people do it, they go to school they have friends close and far. they go to movies and get ice cream afterward. they call their mom and dad every few weeks asking for a little help with the bills because they had a monetary collapse. they'll soon graduate with honor owing a brick building thousands of follars. sooner than later they will have found "the one" and will be wed during the first half of this new year that they have spent together. family will grow, fathers will play with their sons and mothers will do their daughters hair and people will die ushering in a new generation of failure.
i wrote everything on this post at work so its pretty random and incomplete.
there is a disconnect an open sea,
it widens and it grows with me.
it was brought about by my own pain
it bever stopped it always gained.
it grows still, to this very day
it slows still, requiring i pay.
my words arent necessarily aboyt my experiences, feelings or things ive done. i use the words to create a mood and story which may have touched me at some point or in some way. i draw from the humanity of which i am a part of.
I want to lead an amazing life, one worthy of writing about. i want the first 19years of my life to be chapter one. i cannot live without some fulfillment of this dream. i want my life to be one others will recall with awe and recount for many to hear. Adam went here and there, talked to he and she, did this and that and it was amazing.
and now he rests, hoping that day comes sooner than later.
a little scared of what that day may bring he rests his eyes childishly.
adam
i wrote everything on this post at work so its pretty random and incomplete.
there is a disconnect an open sea,
it widens and it grows with me.
it was brought about by my own pain
it bever stopped it always gained.
it grows still, to this very day
it slows still, requiring i pay.
my words arent necessarily aboyt my experiences, feelings or things ive done. i use the words to create a mood and story which may have touched me at some point or in some way. i draw from the humanity of which i am a part of.
I want to lead an amazing life, one worthy of writing about. i want the first 19years of my life to be chapter one. i cannot live without some fulfillment of this dream. i want my life to be one others will recall with awe and recount for many to hear. Adam went here and there, talked to he and she, did this and that and it was amazing.
and now he rests, hoping that day comes sooner than later.
a little scared of what that day may bring he rests his eyes childishly.
adam
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